Interviews and Misadventures of the Scumbags
by The Flying Hawaiian 001
Summary: A continuation and adoption of MistyxKisame's two stories, this one follows Lee, Clementine, and the rest of Telltale's TWD cast as they answer your questions, go on crazy-ass adventures (and misadventures, like the title says), and endure other shenanigans. With new stories, a new writer, and all that was promised, let the Interviews begin (again)!
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue**_

*Our story begins in England. Our heroes, Telltale's Walking Dead cast, are sitting on a street curb. They all look tired, ragged, and, if we're being completely honest, like shit. Their clothes are ripped, they have no money, and Lee and Clementine are tap dancing publicly, in an attempt to make some money.*

Kenny: I know I've said this about a thousand times, but our situation really fucking sucks.

Everyone: Agreed.

Duck: Why were we dumped? We've been around for a year now, and brought in a shitload of reviews for our stories!

Katjaa: Duck, how many times do I have to tell you not to swear?

Duck: Fuck off, Mom.

Kenny: What'd you say, you little shit?!

*As Kenny and Katjaa start arguing with Duck, Lee and Clem finish tap dancing, and sit down with the other Scumbags.*

Carley: Well, how much did we make today?

Lee: Two dollars and fifty cents.

Everyone: COME ON!

Clementine: Don't blame us! Nick's the one who came up with this stupid idea!

Lee: I told you guys we should have gone with my idea!

Kenny: Lee, do you really think that anyone would want to watch you fuck Molly on top of a Tom Ford billboard?

Lee: YES!

Clementine: Hey, guys! What the Hell is that?

*Clementine points at something in the sky, which everyone looks at. It's a jet, and it lands directly on the street, crashing into a few cars. Then, a familiar face walks out of the jet.*

Lee and Clementine: DRIVER?!

The Flying Hawaiian 001: Hey, guys. Also, I go by the name… well, you already saw my name in the text.

Clementine: What are you doing here?

Duck: And where did you get that sweet jet?!

TFH001: I built this jet with my bare hands, and I'm here to offer you guys a new job.

Everyone: We're interested.

TFH001: You see, when Misty dropped you guys, I offered to adopt the story you guys were in, and I can't do it without you guys being in it. So, you guys want the job?

*Everyone excitedly yells things like 'YES' or 'Hell yeah' or 'why didn't you come sooner'.*

TFH001: Then it's settled! Come aboard my jet! We have a long flight!  
*Everyone gets onboard the jet. Once they're inside, they all buckle in, as TFH001 prepares for take-off. And then, they're off.*

Clementine: Hey, 001, if you don't mind me asking, where are we going?

TFH001: We're going to Minneapolis, Minnesota. That's where I live.

Lee and Clementine: Fine by me!

*Eight hours and fifteen minutes later, the Scumbags and the Flying Hawaiian 001 arrive in Minneapolis, and land on the roof of an apartment building.*

TFH001: Here we are, guys! I know it's not the most glamorous looking place, but the space I rented for you is big. Actually, the space I rented for you was an entire floor of this building!

Kenny: Seriously?

TFH001: Seriously. Come on, let's get inside.

*The gang goes inside. TFH001 leads them to a big room, and all of them look around it. It has a kitchen, a giant TV, and chairs and tables for all of them to sit their asses on because who the Hell wants to be interviewed standing?*

TFH001: What do you think?

Kenny: I think that this will be a good place to call 'home'.

TFH001: Excellent! Before we get started, are there any questions?

*Only Lee raises his hand.*

TFH001: Yes, Lee, you can bring whomever you want back from the bar back with you.

Lee: Actually, I was gonna ask if you're still running the bar back where we used to live with Misty.

TFH001: (Long, awkward silence) Yes.

 _Author's Note: In the middle of working on this chapter, I took a break from writing. In that time, I learned that my great uncle died early this morning. It was believed to be a heart attack, and I just wanted to say that I miss him, and that this chapter is dedicated to him. I won't say his name, but I will say that he deeply impacted not only my life, but my aunts' lives, and the life of my Father. So, I wanted to thank him for being in my life, and I will continue to write all of my stories with the hope that he would like them._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter One (Technically, Chapter Two)**_

 **Lee) Do you still have that Batman suit?**

Lee: Hell yeah, I do! In fact, I have a picture of me wearing it! Wanna see?

*Lee pulls out his iPhone, and shows everyone a picture of him flexing his muscles, wearing the Batsuit's mask. ONLY the Batsuit's mask.*

Clementine, Kenny, and Duck: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Carley: Put that away! No one wants to see you flashing everybody with a Batman mask on!

Lee: Didn't you tell me to take that pic-

Carley: LEE, WE WILL DISCUSS THAT LATER.

 **Clementine) Do you still hate Lee?**

Clementine: You bet your ass I do!

Lee: Clem, about that, I think we should-

Clementine: Shut up, you literal motherfucker!

*She throws a knife at him. He ducks, and it hits Ben in the shoulder.*

Ben: AHHHH! FUUUUUUCCKKKKK!

Lee: What the Hell was that for?!

Kenny: Never mind that! We gotta get him to a hospital!

 _We can go to HCMC, I have connections there._

*Everyone looks at TFH001 awkwardly.*

 _Don't ask. Besides, at least you can get into a hospital now. Remember how you got banned from the one where you previously lived?_

 **Duck) Are you ever gonna come clean to Clementine?**

Duck: At this point in the relationship? Hell no. Tell you the truth, I'm actually amazed we've lasted this long. If I did that now, she'd murder me.

 **Clementine) Did you know that your name means 'merciful'? By the way, I learned that from 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', in case you're wondering.**

Javier: How ironic, considering the fact that you pulled a shotgun on me just because I almost ate a fucking sandwich.

Clementine: Do you not remember seeing a note on top of said sandwich?

Javier: Well, I-

Clementine: Do you remember what it said?

Javier: Yes. It said that it was your sand-

Clementine: It said that it was _**MY**_ sandwich. And do you know what will happen to you if you eat my sandwich?

Javier: Do I want to know?

 **Ben) Sorry that I beat you up a lot in the final few chapters of the last story. Can we call it a truce?**

Ben: Logically, I would and probably should say 'no'. So, that's what I'm gonna go with.

 _You do realize that I pay you people at the end of every month, and that I also control the amount of money you recieve, right?_

Ben: Let's be friends!

 **Kenny) How are you and Jane doing? Also, you look way hotter without the beard. ;-)**

Kenny: We're doing fine, and thanks? I guess?

 _What can I say except 'you're welcome'!_

 **Ben) Do people still call you 'Shitbird'? And do you still have that amazing BBC?**

Ben: (Sigh) Yes, and yes.

 _That's all, folks! Well, at least for now! I decided to test how I could do with responses, and made up a few questions that I thought could have funny responses! Anyway, review, tell me what I can improve on and what you like, and I will see you in the next chapter! Or, I'll see you in another story, but, you get my point._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

 **Clem and Javi) How do you feel about people shipping you guys together?**

Clementine and Javier: PEOPLE SHIP US TOGETHER?!

Duck and Gill: Eww!

Lee: That's fucking nasty!

 _I agree, Lee, and I haven't played the third game! Honestly, I never really saw the appeal of Clementine having any romantic attraction._

 **Duck) How do you feel about people calling you 'Goat Hukie'?**

Duck: I hate it! It sounds like the name of a disgusting Irish food at a bar! I'd much rather be called 'Bruce Wayne'.

Clementine: But there's already a guy named Bruce Wayne.

Duck: So?!  
 **Luke) What does goat hukie even mean?**

Luke: (sigh) It's a combination of puke and shit, specifically a goat's.

Duck: That's what people have been calling me?!

 ***A bunch of men and women burst through the door, and start stripping off their clothes.***

 **Kenny: What the fuck is this Mickey Mouse shit?!**

 **Clementine: Nasty!**

 **Duck, Luke, and Nick: TITTAYS!**

 ***Lee comes in, with a camera and a director's hat on.***

 **Lee: Okay, everyone! Get into position!**

 **Carley: Lee, what the Hell is this?!**

 **Lee: Well, the studio where I film all my pornos burned down, so I have to film here!**

Carley: NO! I am not letting you film a porno here! You've done plenty of stupid shit in the past, but this crosses the line, completely!

Lee: Action!

*All of the men and women begin to have a massive orgy, fucking and sucking one another in multiple positions, moaning all the while.*

Duck: This is awesome! Lee, send me a copy of this!

Kenny: Aw, Hell no! Everyone, get into the car downstairs! We're going to the movies for a few hours!

 **Lee) You basically have this place to yourself for a couple of hours. In the meantime, are you gonna join in on the orgy?**

Lee: You bet your ass I am! I'm gonna attach the camera to me, and film myself getting some pussy!

 _That's all for now! Thank you for reading, please review if you wish to, tell me what I did well, what I can improve on, or both, and I will see you next time! Also, since no one's commented, I decided to write a few of my own questions, and I sincerely hope that more people will read and review this one!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter Four_

 **Kenny) I dare you to chase Ben while wearing a banana hammock.**

Kenny: What the fuck?! Why the Hell would I do that? In fact, where would I even buy a banana hammock?!

Lee: A couple of the guys in my porno films have them. You could borrow one, if you're inter-

Kenny: Stay outta this, Lee!

Lee: Just a suggestion. No need to be a prick about it.

 **Does anyone want to hear the rumored plotline for Season 4 of the game?**

 _Thanks for asking for permission before doing so. Since I haven't played Season Three yet, I'm gonna say no. But, still, thank you for asking._

 **Hey, Driver! Long time no see! Glad to see you got a fanfic account! Also, for a dare, I dare Kenny to punch Lee in the face with the infinity gauntlet!**

 _Thank you! It's good to see some people who reviewed the other series on here! Yeah, I'm glad I got an account, too! I realized that I have a lot of things that I want to write about, and I feel that I have since I first started an account, I've written a lot of the stuff I wanted to write! Also, just call me '001'!_

Kenny: Why would I punch Lee in the face with an Infinity Gauntlet?

Clementine: Well, he has slept with your wife multiple times, he's an asshole, he still goes after the woman you love, he's gotten us into more trouble than we need, he fucked a girl in front of your son, and much, much more. Yeah, there's a lot of shit he's done wrong.

 _Well, that last one isn't exactly Lee's fault, as much as it was Duck's fault._

Duck: All I'll say is this: that was some hardcore fucking, and I was speechless after watching it.

Kenny: Anyway, what the Hell is an Infinity Gauntlet?

 _Here. Watch these fourteen movies, from Iron Man to Doctor Strange, and then go to the theater and watch Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2. Then come back._

 _*_ Fifteen Marvel Movies later.*

Kenny: Okay, now I understand. But that leaves just one more question: where the Hell would I get an Infinity Gauntlet?

 _I don't know. Why don't you just steal a spaceship and go to where the Infinity Gauntlet is?_

Kenny: Because, when I come back, I'd be arrested for stealing a spaceship!

Lee: I am very fortunate to not get beaten the shit out of, **FOR ONCE,** thank you!

 **What's the rumored plotline? Please tell us!**

 _Eh, fuck it. What is it? I'm interested, and I can't stop you._

 **Hey, just to let you know, if you change the rating from M to T you'll get more people reviewing.**

 _Really? Huh. Thanks for the advice. I'll change that._

 **Lee) How much porn do you watch in a year?**

Lee: More than all of our body parts combined.

Clementine: That's fucking nasty, Lee.

 _Author's Note: And that's all for now, folks! I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing, and I hope you all take care! Also, special thanks goes to the person who suggested I make this story T-rated._


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter Five_

 **Oh, for the love of, here!**

 ***Hands Kenny the infinity gauntlet***

 **NOW BEAT THAT FOOL UP!**

Kenny: With pleasure!

*Kenny raises his fist, and slams his fist into Lee's face, knocking him off of his feet, and into a wall. Lee's nose is completely broken, and all of his teeth have fallen out.*

Lee: WHY DOES THIS SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!

Clementine: Well, you're an adulterer, you had sex, unintentionally, with your dead girlfriend in front of a kid, you let me watch porn-

Lee: Which you liked!

Clementine: Shut up, asshole! Anyway, you also got into trouble with the law, a court, and Batman, and you have done many other things, including not being able to hold down a girlfriend for a while. It should not come as a surprise that you have fucked up quite a bit. So, yeah, you deserve it!

Carley: None of that fucking matters, now! We need to get him to a hospital!

Nick: I've got my phone on me!

*Nick begins dialing a number on his phone. It begins ringing.*

Carley: If you just dialed Domino's, I'll rip your dick off and shove it up your nose.

*Nick automatically hangs up.*

 _Dammit! I wanted a few bread sticks! Anyway, yeah, I don't think Lee needed to get punched in the face with the Infinity Gauntlet._

 **001, huh? Okay, well, for the record, I just want to say that I take back everything I said about season 3's animation! The zombies are incredible and they have a much bigger role this time than in the second season! If you ever get around to it, I highly suggest playing it! It's a fun game! Just look past the Kenny and Jane thing.**

 _Thanks for the recommendation! Yeah, the animation does look good, with the exception of Kenny and Jane's designs, and I'll definitely take your word for it! Unfortunately, that might be a while, since I've just gotten into Red Dead Redemption, which gives Batman: Arkham City, Bioshock Infinite, and even The Walking Dead a run for their money! But, as soon as that is done, and when I get more data on my PS4, I'll get the game!_

 **Lee) If you were running for President, who would you choose as your running mate?**

Lee: Katjaa. No discussion, no need to even think about it. Katjaa.

Clementine: Would you mind explaining why, Mr. Potential President?

Kenny: Yeah, Lee. Give us an explanation.

Duck: Larry, I bet you a hundred bucks that his explanation is gonna be 'because she's hot'.

Young Man Larry: You're on!

*Duck and Larry shake hands.*

Lee: Well, I said no explanation, but if you insist, it's because I think she's smart, well-rounded, moral, and clearly the most logical one of us, here.

*Everyone is shocked at Lee's answer.*

Young Man Larry: Ha! Pay up, kid!

Duck: Dammit!

Katjaa: I'm flattered, Lee.

 _Wow, Lee! I didn't know you could speak so eloquently! Especially about somebody you've blatantly told and stated that you want to have sex with!_

Lee: It's a gift, and I don't really like sharing it with you guys. Gotta keep that whole 'I'm an asshole' vibe.

 **Lee) Do you ever consider what it would be like if you hadn't met Clementine?**

Lee: If I didn't, I'd probably be dead within a few days.

Clementine: Because you couldn't survive, or because you'd have shot yourself?

Lee: I am not gonna answer that.

 **Clementine) Are you ever gonna forgive Lee?**

Clementine: Probably, but not now. I need time. That, and I was thinking of taking my relationship with Duck to the next level!

 _Are you talking about marriage?_

Clementine: WHAT?! No! I was thinking about going on our first date!

Lee: You haven't gone on a first date yet?

Clementine: Well, considering the fact that we were broke, and that we've been busy as of late, this shouldn't come as a surprise.

 **Kenny) Duck told me that you cry when you watch Pitch Perfect. Is that true?**

Kenny: WHAT? When did I ever see Pitch Perfect? In fact, what the Hell is that? Is that some kind of action movie?

Lee and Clem: Does that really sound like an action movie?

 _Author's Note: I will try to post this as often as possible. Just keep giving me stuff to write down, and I will! Thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Chapter Six_

 **A loud explosion is heard outside. Suddenly, the Green Goblin crashes through a window.**

 **Green Goblin: Dang it, Spider-Man! That was my favorite glider!**

 ***Sees everyone.***

 **Green Goblin: Hello! Good evening! I am the Green Goblin, from The Spectacular Spider-Man, specifically! Mind if I crash here for a bit?**

 **Young Larry: What's in it for us?**

 **Green Goblin: I'll give you each 100 dollars.**

 **Clem: Throw in an autograph from Spider-Man and you've got a deal.**

 **Green Goblin: (Turns to Lee) Can I throw her off a bridge?**

 **Lee: I like this guy!**

Clementine: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

Lee and Goblin: Who are you talking to?

Clementine: Both of you! Green Bean, if you really think you can just throw me off a bridge, you're fucking crazy! And Lee, if you like him because he asked if he could essentially murder me, you're even crazier!

Lee: Considering the fact that I was in a full body cast because you pushed me off a bridge, yeah, I'm totally okay with him throwing you off one to see how it feels, bitch.

Clementine: YOU FUCKER!

*She tries to lunge at Lee, but has to be restrained by Kenny and Young Larry.*

 _Sorry, Clem. Guys, take her out of the room for a few minutes. And Goblin, I don't know if I can let you stay here._

Goblin: Why not?

 _Well, for one, you have a pretty big criminal record. Two, you don't get along well with someone from our group. Three, you have an antagonistic personality… wait a minute, you're a perfect candidate for the Interviews! Welcome aboard, Scumbag!_

Goblin: Alright!

Lee: Up top, motherfucker!

*The two high five.*

Carley: This can't be good.

Lily: No, it can't be.

 _Who cares? It could be fun._

 ***The gang is at Denny's.***

 **Kenny: I wonder if the Red, White, and Blue Pancakes really taste like-**

 **Random Dude: 'Merica.**

 _Okay, who the fuck_ _are you, how do you keep finding these guys, and why do you keep saying 'merica?_

*Random dude pulls off his disguise, revealing himself to be…*

Everyone: JEREMY JAHNS?!  
Jeremy: Yep.

 _I don't get it, Jeremy! What are you doing here?!_

Jeremy: I wanted me some Red, White, and Blue Pancakes. That, and I've been stalking you guys.

Clementine: WHAT?!

Kenny: You're the guy who gave Suicide Squad a better review than John Wick: Chapter 2 and Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2, right?

Jeremy Jahns: Yeah, that's me.

Kenny: This is not good for my rage.

*Kenny pulls out his rage pill bottle, and takes a pill.*

 **Goblin) Some people have called you the Joker of the Spider-Man universe. What do you say to that?**

Goblin: I'm honestly flattered. I mean, the Joker is an iconic villain, and being compared to a villain that popular is an honor.

Clementine: *Cough* Bullshit! *Cough* *Cough*.

Goblin: Nobody asked you, muchacha.

Clementine: MUCHACHA?!

 **Jane) Do you still have vagina teeth?**

Jane: Well, somebody was bound to ask this question, eventually. Yes, I still do.

Duck: So, does that mean that you can't have sex with my Dad?

Kenny: Pretty much, yes.

Jane: I keep telling him that if the person I'm having sex with isn't causing me pain, but pleasure, then the teeth won't bite.

Kenny: Well, excuse me for wanting to keep my dick!

 **The rumored plotline for Season Four is that Clementine is going to find her real father.**

 _:-() Okay, now I'm interested. A lot, actually._


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter Seven_

 **I've done some thinking, and I think it's time we have a new punching bag. I think Lee has suffered enough.**

 **Lee: THANK YOU!**

 **And so, our new punching bag shall be… Clementine!**

Clementine: WHAT?!

Lee: Ha! Take that, you small bitch!

 _Uh, I don't think you have the power to make that decision. I'm kidding! But, seriously, I don't think that Clementine should be the new punching bag. I mean, she is just a kid. Let's have it be… Becca!_

Becca: MOTHERFUCKER!

Clementine: Better watch your ass, Becca!

 _I wouldn't run my mouth just yet, Clem. I never said we can't have_ _ **two**_ _punching bags. ;-)_

Clementine: Oh, shit.

 **Green Goblin: (Holding a box with strange tech) Welp, time to work on my glider! Hey, Lee, you wanna help? I'll make you a glider, too! Chicks love gliders!**

 **Lee: If it makes 'em orgasm, I'm in.**

 **Clementine: You're both idiots.**

 ***The Goblin makes the gun sign with his finger, and fires from his finger tips, burning off half of Clementine's shirt, exposing her belly button.***

 **Green Goblin: Who's the idiot now? Hehehe.**

Clementine: You son of a bitch! How dare you expose my body?!

Duck: Hey, Clem, how many Sam Brothers sandwiches have you eaten in the past couple of weeks? Because you look a little chubbier!

Clementine: WHAT?! I gotta hit the gym!

*As Clementine runs to the gym, Duck begins laughing.*

Duck: The truth is, she doesn't look chubby at all! I was just saying that to make her feel bad!

 _Wow, you're a real douchebag._

 **Hey Clementine, nice haircut! Also, 001, even though you haven't played A New Frontier yet, can we ask Season Three characters stuff?**

 _Sure, why not? Just don't ask them anything related to spoilers._

Clementine: But, I didn't get a haircut.

*Clementine pulls off her hat, revealing a perfectly shaved, bald head.*

 _Uh, Clem? You might wanna look in the mirror._

*Clem does so, and screams.*

Clementine: LEEEEEE! GOBLIN!

*Lee and the Goblin burst out laughing.*

Lee: I love this guy!

 _Author's Note: Thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter Eight_

 **I think you look nice, Clementine! You should show off your stomach more often. In fact, Goblin, if you please!**

 ***Goblin burns off every other girl's shirt, exposing their stomach except for Rebecca.***

Shel: Becca, why do you have a belly button piercing?!

Becca: What I do in my spare time is none of your business.

Lilly: Now I know why Lee dumped you, Carley.

Carley: And why did he dump me?

Lilly: Because you're too fa-

*Carley pounces on Lilly, and the two begin having a catfight.*

Lee: This is too sexy!

Rebecca: Why didn't you burn off my shirt?!

Green Goblin: Because you're a lovely lady, and I don't want to disrespect you.

Rebecca: But I'm married!

 _Correction, you were married, until you revealed that you cheated on Alvin multiple times._

Rebecca: HE JERKS OFF TO HENTAI! AM I ANY LOWER THAN THAT?!

 _Yes. Yes, you are. Just because he jerks off to hentai doesn't make you cheating on him any better._

Clementine: In fact, where is Alvin?

 _Hey, does anybody hear moaning coming from the bathroom?_

Alvin: Oh, oh, OH YEAH! FUCK HER! FUCK HER WITH THOSE TENTACLES, BITCH! OOOOHHH, YEAAAHHHH!

Everybody: KEEP THAT SHIT DOWN!

 **Larry) Here. Hold this, please.**

 ***Hands Larry an age bomb that explodes and ages him by sixty years.***

Larry: DAMMIT! I was just getting used to having a six-pack, again!

 _SHIT! I was liking you as a younger man, too!_

Lee: Can we still have beer sessions on Saturday night?

Larry: Fuck yeah, man. I may be old, but I ain't that old.

 **Lee) Great news, your ex wife is joining the Interviews!**

Lee: Question: good news for her, or for me? And if the answer isn't either of the ones I just suggested, then who is it for?!

Lee's Wife: Hello… honey.

Lee: 001, do I have to talk to her?

 _No, no you don't._

Lee: THANK GOD!

Kenny: If he starts singing 'Ridin' Solo', I'm gonna beat his ass.

Clementine: I second that notion.

 _Why?! That's an okay song!_

Clementine: You want a shotgun shoved up your ass?

 _Do you want to be out of a job?_

Clementine: Point taken.

 **Clem) Duck lied about you being chubby to make you feel bad! And he's a two faced, lying dirtbag!**

Clementine: WHAT?! Duck, you son of a bitch! And what does the Guest mean by that?!

Duck: Well, I… uh…

Lee: Just tell her, man.

Duck: But-but, I-

 _Just do it, man._

Duck: (Sigh) Alright. Clementine, I never wanted to date you.

Clementine: Wha-what did you just say?

Duck: My Dad didn't want you to date Ellie, because he was afraid that she would betray you, and us. So, he wanted me to start a relationship with you. I've tried to tell you so many times, but I couldn't do it. Especially when you bought me all those video games!

Clementine: Ken-Ken, is this true?

Kenny: (Sigh) Yes, it's true.

Duck: Clementine, I am so-

*Clementine aims a shotgun at Duck's head, cocks it, and prepares to shoot Duck. Then, as Duck accepts his fate, Clementine shoots herself in the head.*

Duck: WHAT?!

Ed: CLEMENTINE!

Diana: NOOOOOO!

Lee: Oh, my God. They killed Clementine.

 _You bastards! YOU BASTARDS!_

Luke and Nick: YES! YES! WHOO-HOO! HA HA HA! HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA! WHOO, HA HA HA HA! PARTAAAYYY!

*The two stop dancing, and Lee takes the shotgun, and shoots them in the balls, the ass, and the head, killing them.*

Lee: She may have been a bitch, but she was our bitch. Pendejos.

 **Clementine) I dare you to kick Green Bean in the crotch!**

 **(By Green Bean I mean the Goblin)**

Duck: SHE'S DEAD, YOU IDIOT!

Ben: She'll be back, right? I mean, in these stories, you can come back as a ghost!

 _Actually, she can't._

Lee: WHAT?!

 _For this story, I had to make rules, and I included no bringing back characters from the dead, or having them return as ghosts._

Ed: Is there any way we can reverse the rules?!

 _I haven't figured out a way, yet._

Diana: So, our little girl is gone? FOR GOOD?

 _I'm sorry to say this, but yes._

Ed: I think I need to go to sleep, for about twenty years or so. Wake me up if you ever find a way to get Clementine back.

Diana: I'll join you.

 **Lee) Would you rather have to give Larry a sponge bath, or have to drink a large bottle of honey while covered in bees?**

Lee: I can't believe I'm saying this, but the sponge bath. *Shudders* No offense, Larry.

Larry: Trust me, none taken.

 _Author's Note: I swear, Clementine will return! Just not anytime soon. Give it a few chapters. Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter Nine: The Funeral of Clementine_

*Three weeks later, at a cemetery in Minneapolis, the Scumbags, the Goblin, and the Flying Hawaiian 001 are all sitting in chairs, dressed in black, and looking as glum as they ever have. It is the day of Clementine's funeral, and her casket is being readied for going six feet under the ground. TFH001 goes up to a podium, and begins reading from a speech that he prepared.*

TFH001: Clementine was one of my favorite video game characters. Ever since I first played Episode One, I cared about her character, and was excited to see where she'd be taken. And, when I got the chance to work with her, I was very excited. In spite of her sarcasm and attitude, she was great fun to be around, and a good friend until the end. I'm going to miss her very much.

*TFH001 steps down from the podium, and Lee comes up.*

Lee: Clementine and I have not been on the best of terms as of late. She was like the daughter that I always wanted, but never had, thanks to my wife's bitch-ass.

Lee's Wife: FUCK YOU!

Lee: NO, FUCK YOU, YOU SKANK! Anyway, Clementine didn't deserve to go at her age, and she especially didn't deserve to go because of that black-haired, freckled, annoying, non-stop talking little SHITSTAIN! DUCK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU WILL ALL DIE! YOU'LL ALL DIE!

*Carley and Goblin restrain Lee, and take him off of the podium.*

Minister: I'm afraid that those were the only people who would be speaking on Clementine's behalf, because her parents went to take a nap for an undisputed amount of time. To sum it up, Clementine was a young soul taken too early, and she will be dearly missed.

*Clementine's casket is lowered into the ground. When it sets down at the bottom of her grave, everyone, in tears, begins to leave. Only Lee and 001 stay behind to grieve.*


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter Ten_

 **O_O DUDE WHAT THE #%$%!?**

 _HOLD IT! Before you go completely spastic, we're trying to find a way to bring her back. It could take some time, though, so sit tight._

 ***The ground begins to break apart, and flames shoot out of it.***

 **?: Ahahahahahha ahahahahaha I LIVE AGAIN!**

 ***Out of the flames, Bill Cipher rises out of the ground!***

 **Lee: Oh, not this freak again! Look Bill, Clementine is dead! She shot herself, so you can just go!**

 **Bill: Oh, I know! It's thanks to her I have returned! You see I made a deal with her great great grandfather that if she died in any way, then I will take her place and that means that her soul...is...MINE!**

 ***Shows an image of Clementine burning in flames.***

 **Bill: AhahahahahaAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

 _Goddammit! I don't wanna have to deal with this pedophile!_

Bill: Too bad, you have to! Hey, weren't you that guy I got into a fight with a few months back?

 _Uhhhh… yeah.\_

Bill: PAYBACK TIME!

*Bill begins beating the crap out of me.*

 _OW! NOT THE FACE! OOH, NOT MY STOMACH EITHER, ASSHOLE!_

 **WHAT THE?! You... I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WOULD KILL CLEM! DUCK, FROM NOW ON YOU'RE THE PUNCHING BAG! NO EXCEPTIONS!**

 ***Tons of guns point at Duck and fire on him. He is also injected with a serum that will keep him from dying unless Clementine returns.***

 **Duck, until my Clemmy returns I will have you tortured every chapter! And if she is revived, only then will I kill you! And trust me, you'll want Clementine back! Fluffy, MAUL!**

 ***Suddenly, a giant three headed dog runs in and mauls Duck.***

Duck: AHHH! OH MY GOD! OH GOD, OH, MY DUCKY BALLS!

Carlos: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS, THE DOG ATE OFF HIS BALLS!

Goblin: That dog just unleashed a can of Whoop-Ass!

 _Isn't this a little excessive?! I mean, Duck didn't know that telling the truth would make Clementine kill herself!_

Lee: If you ask me, the fucker deserves it! He still should be held responsible!

Kenny: He's just a kid, asshole!

Lee: He got Clementine killed!

Goblin: I'm with Lee! Duck got Clementine killed and deserves what he's getting!

Jane: You both are idiots, then!

Lee: Fuck you, bitch!

Kenny: Don't talk to my wife that way!

*Lee and Goblin fight with Jane and Kenny. Lee and Goblin win, mostly because Lee stole Jane's knife and threatened Kenny that he'd stab her with it, and because Goblin threatened to throw a pumpkin bomb at Jane's face.*

 **Dang, man. This chapter caught me completely off guard. Not even MistyxKisame had the guts to kill Clementine. I'm so conflicted. On the one hand, I don't like it when Clem dies in stories, but on the other hand, I really enjoy this fanfic. You're not seriously going to have Clem be gone for good right? I mean, if you get rid of Duck, that's fine. But Clementine? :(**

 _I'm glad that it surprised people. I thought it could make for an interesting story, and show how the group would be affected if they lost Clem. Yeah, I hated killing off Clementine just as much as I would reading about how she dies. I'm glad you enjoy it! I enjoy writing it! Never fear, my friend. We'll definitely find a way to bring Clem back. But, like I said, it might be a while, so sit tight._

Duck: WHY ARE PEOPLE JUST OKAY WITH ME DYING?! AM I REALLY THAT AWFUL?!

 _Uh… well… uh… oh, is that Reginald calling me?! I think I hear Reginald calling me! Coming, Reginald!_

Lilly: Who's Reginald?

 _My butler. I gave him some time off, but that time is over._

Katjaa: Of course you're not awful, Ducky.

Lee: *Cough* Horseshit *Cough* *Cough*.

Kenny: Fuck you, Lee.

Lee: It ain't my fault your son's as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Kenny: HEY! I RESENT THAT!

 ***The Goblin taps Lee on the shoulder, and gives him a bottle of wine.***

 **Goblin: Here, man. I'm sorry for your loss. That kid was fun to prank, but I feel sad about what happened to her. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my son. I'm going to hang that two timing runt and his father over the Golden Gate Bridge tonight. Want to help? It may ease the pain.**

*Lee takes a sip of the wine.*

Lee: Thanks, man. You're a good friend. Considering the fact that the little prick was responsible for Clem's death, and his Father not only encouraged him to keep a lie going and the fact that he punched me in my fucking face with an Infinity Gauntlet, which broke my nose, by the way, yeah, let's teach those sons-of-bitches a lesson.

 _Do as you please. Goblin already tied them up, so all you need to do is drag them onto the jet. Just don't scratch it up, okay?_

 **I'm willing to bet you have enough Clementine related questions already so...**

 ***Walks over to Becca.***

 **Poke.**

 ***Jabs Becca in the belly button.***

Becca: That didn't even hurt!

Shel: What's the point of her being the punching bag if she's not gonna get hurt?

 _Well, she's not even the punching bag, anymore, so, I guess there's no reason to torment her._

 _Author's Note: To those who are worried about Clem's death, I'm trying to think of ways to bring her back! Don't panic, it will happen eventually! Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter Eleven_

 **Oh, you wanted it to hurt? Alright, I guess. One of you lady's better get the hospital on speed dial.**

 ***Jabs finger in Becca's belly button, and then rips out her belly button ring.***

Becca: OH, SWEEEET GOAT HUKIE!

Shel: What the Hell?!

Rebecca: JESUS H. FUCK!

 _QUICK! Call the hospital!_

Alvin: I'm on it!

*He pulls out his phone, and begins dialing a number.*

Alvin: Hello? Oh, Dominoes? Okay, then I'll get some breadsticks, a large Meat Lovers Pizza with extra Sausage and Pepperoni, and-

Everyone: ALVIN!

Alvin: Oh, and a Cookie Pizza, some of those brownies, and two large bottles of Sprite!

Becca: FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ALVIN! CALL THE GODDAMN HOSPITAL!

Alvin: Thank you, bye-bye!

 **Bill: Ahahahaha! Take that, and that!**

 ***Punches 001 in the face, and then knees him in the crotch.***

 **Bill: With Clemmy's soul in my possession I have the power of a million scumbags! *Opens another portal.***

 **Bill: Rise my army, rise! We'll take this world by storm!**

 ***An army of the undead and Anubis warriors march out of the portal, followed by a dozen nightmares, Wraiths and Gremlins.***

 **Bill: Once I'm done with you 001, no one, not even Mickey Mouse, will be able to stop me from taking over this world!**

 ***Breaks 001's hand.***

 **Bill: My buddy Slappy taught me to do that!**

 _Alright, that's it, motherfucker! If you want to really beat down on me, then let's do it in a fair fight to the death! You and me, mano a mano!_

Bill: How about this: if I win, then all of your stories belong to me. And if I lose, then you get Clementine back. Deal?

 _Fine!_

Bill: Then let's begin!

 _Wait, what?!  
_ *Bill punches 001 in the face repeatedly, then in the stomach, then the chest, then the dick, and-oh, you get the idea, don't you? Anyway, to sum it up, Bill kicks the crap out of 001.*

Bill: You've lost, 001. And this story, and all of your other stories, are mine!

*Bill prepares to tear out 001's heart, but 001 grabs Bill's hand, and breaks it. Bill screams.*

 _I learned that from Clementine! And your ass is grass, Cipher._

*001 proceeds to beat the holy bejeezus out of Bill, a la Spider-Man in the first Spider-Man movie.*

Bill: Stop, stop! You win, I give up!

 _I knew you would. Now, give us back Clementine!_

Bill: I can't.

 _WHAT?!_

Bill: I lied. I don't have her soul. I never did.

 _You useless, lying son of a bitch._

*001 grabs a rifle, cocks it, and aims it at Bill's head.*

 _Any last words before I splatter your brains all over the wall?_

Bill: Well, I-

*001 pulls the trigger.*

 _Poor choice of last words._

*001 closes the portal, sending the army back to Hell.*

 **Wow, you update fast! Anyway…**

 ***Grabs one of Goblin's pumpkin bombs, and shoves it down Duck's throat.***

Duck: Oh, God! I think I'm gonna-

*Duck shits his pants.*

Duck: I think there's some metal in my underwear.

 _Oh, that's fucking nasty!_

Duck: Can I change my underwear?

Lee: NO! YOU'RE GONNA WADDLE AROUND IN YOUR SHIT-STAINED UNDERWEAR, AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!

 ***At Golden Gate Bridge.***

 **Goblin: Okay, the runt goes first since he can't die yet.**

 ***Puts a noose on Duck and throws him off of the bridge.***

 **Duck: Ack, ack! I'm sorry! I'm sor- ACK!**

 **Lee: And now for the lying father!**

 ***Puts a noose on Kenny's neck.***

 **Kenny: Now Lee, let's talk about this! If you kill me, I can't come back! You'll never see my powerful beard again!**

 **Goblin: Oh, really?**

 ***Pulls off his mask, revealing that his mustache is a million times better than Kenny's beard.***

 ***Kenny jumps off the bridge and hangs himself.***

 ***Goblin puts mask back on.***

 **Goblin: Well, that was fun! Who's up for Chinese?**

Lee: I am!

 _I understood that reference! And I'll take some beef and noodles! I'm starving!_

Joker: And I said it first!

 _Get outta here, Joker! We might need you later, but not now!_

Joker: Alright, already!

Duck: Could I-ACK-get some-ACK- foo young?

Lee: Hmm, let me think about it… NO.

Duck: ACK-YOU!

 **Lee's Ex-Wife) First of all, what's your name? I'd rather not have to address you as 'Lee's Ex-Wife' all the time.**

Andra: My name is Andra. And I don't want to be further associated with that murderer!

 _Didn't he become a murderer only because you cheated on him?_

Andra: Well… yes, but…

 _Lady, you aren't one to talk, so save it._

 _Author's Note: For those of you who will miss Bill, sorry to say it, but that son of a bitch had to die. Also, happy Father's Day! To all of my readers, I hope that, if you have the time or the opportunity, you wish your Dad a happy Father's Day! Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter Twelve_

 **Hey, 001, I know someone who might be able to bring back Clementine, but first I have to ask: are you familiar with the show 'Code Lyoko'?**

 _Sorry to say, but I am not really familiar with Code Lyoko. I've actually never heard of it! But, if there are other ways you can think of to bring Clem back, then tell me!_

 ***A loud roar is heard.***

 **Duck: Oh, now what!?**

 ***Rexy from Jurassic Park crashes into the room and goes after Duck.***

Duck: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!

Lee: You killed Clementine, that's why!

Rebecca: Correction: he killed Clementine inadvertently.

Lee: You want a shotgun blowing off both of your hands?

Rebecca: I'll shut up, now.

Duck: Uh, guys, a little help?!

Lee: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Rebecca: Don't you mean 'shut the duck up'?

*Lee takes a shotgun, and blows Rebecca's hand off.*

Lee: What? I warned her.

Rebecca: Lee, you son of a bitch, you shot me!

Carley: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Lee: Carley, you should know me well enough at this point to know that everything is wrong with me.

 **More pain and humiliation!**

 ***Shoots Duck in the foot.***

 **Duck: Why?!**

 **Becca:*Snicker.***

 ***Suddenly, Becca is strapped to a table, and a hose is shoved into her mouth. Water shoots into Becca's mouth, and her stomach fills up with water.***

 **Becca: Get me the fuck off of this thing! I gotta pee!**

 ***Crosses legs.***

 **Ben: Who wants lemonade- WHOA!**

 ***Ben slips and spills the lemonade.***

*Becca tries to hold it in, but fails, and she ends up peeing herself, soaking her underwear and pants.*

Ben: Oh, right! I'm supposed to put the lemonade into the thing that will put it into the hose!

Becca: Ben, don't!

*Ben, being the idiot that he is, doesn't listen, and does what he was told to do. The lemonade squirts into Becca's mouth, and it makes her piss her pants so much, that they actually rip off. Becca's pants go on Ben's head, and her piss-stained underwear goes on Duck's head.*

Duck: EW, EW!

Ben: Becca, if you don't mind me saying so, you have a very lovely-

Becca: DON'T JUST STARE AT IT! LOOK AWAY, YOU PERVERT!

Duck: Look away from what?!

Ben: Her vag-

Becca: BEN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

 **Andra, did you know that, late at night, Lee still cries about losing you?**

 **Duck: It's true! I've seen him!**

 ***Duck gets shot in the head by Goblin.***

 **Goblin: Shut it, girlfriend killer!**

Duck: FUCK! MY HEAD!

 _Hey, Goblin, did you know that, before the series was cancelled, the people behind The Spectacular Spider-Man had an idea to adapt the story where you kill Gwen Stacy?_

Goblin: Really?

 _Yeah._

Goblin: So, that almost makes me a hypocrite?

 _Pretty much, yes. Fortunately for you and for Gwen, that didn't happen. Unfortunately for the fans, Spectacular was cancelled._

Goblin: Yeah. Tell me, why were we cancelled?

 _Because Sony is full of idiots and hacks._

 **Welcome, Season 3 cast! First off, Tripp, I dare you to punch David in the face! Second, Rebecca, here, have a smoothie!**

 ***Hands Rebecca a smoothie.***

*Tripp punches David in the face.*

David: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!

Tripp: Because I was asked to. DUH!

Lee: Heh. 'Hands' her a smoothie.

Rebecca: VERY FUCKING FUNNY, ASSHOLE!

 _I think it's funny!_

Rebecca: OF COURSE YOU WOULD! YOU'RE WRITING THE JOKE!

 _That's a good point._

 _Author's Note: I think I have an idea as to how we can bring Clementine back! The next chapter will be that... hopefully. Until next time!_


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter Thirteen_

 **The Spectacular Spider-Man was the best Spider-Man show, ever. No new version will ever be as good. But the new Spider-Man show that's coming out does look better than Ultimate, so I'm excited for it.**

 _Sorry to say, but I'm really not looking forward to the new cartoon. The animation looks surprisingly poor, and the voice acting sounds cheap. Give Ultimate credit, the animation looked really good, and the voice cast consisted of some really good actors. Also, I agree. Spectacular was the best Spider-Man cartoon._

 **Ben and Becca… someone needs to get FedEx over here, because I'm shipping this! Who's with me?!**

Ben: All I was going to say was that she has a nice vagina!

Becca: Yeah. Other than that, I see no reason to make us a couple.

Lee: I can't see it, either.

Duck: I ship-

*Lee throws a knife at his eye.*

Duck: FUUUCKK!

Lee: Nobody asked for your opinion, cabron.

*As Lee and Duck argue, both Ben and Becca leave the room, and go into Ben's room. Then, they begin kissing.*

Becca: You almost blew our cover, yesterday!

Ben: I know! I'm sorry about the lemonade thing, but Lee told me he'd castrate me if I didn't do as he said.

Becca: Oh, God! Don't worry about it. I'm not mad at you. Just keep this on the downlow, okay?

Ben: For you? Anything.

*They continue smooching.*

 _You guys do realize that I know about this, right?_

*The couple ignore 001, and then they begin fu-*

 _Okay, I'm gonna go check on the others! See ya later!_

 ***Snaps fingers, and Rebecca has robotic hands.***

 **Those things shoot lasers, by the way!**

 **Rebecca: Perfect.**

 ***Shoots Alvin in the face, burning him, but not killing him.***

Alvin: AHHH, FUCK! MY FUCKING FACE! NOW I'M GONNA BE UGLY AS SHIT!

Carver: You already were ugly as shit!

 _It could be worse. Remember what happened to Glenn?_

Alvin: I'M BEING BURNED ALIVE, OVER HERE! CALL A FUCKING HOSPITAL!

Lee: Well, he is kinda related to me, so, I'll call the hospital.

*Before he grabs his phone, Lily grabs his hand.*

Lily: If you call Dominoes, I'll hang you with your belt.

*Carley then grabs his other arm, and pulls him close to her.*

Carley: And I will rip your dick off.

Ben Affleck: I resent that!

 _Get outta here, Batfleck! We all know that Wonder Woman is cooler than you!_

 **Isn't it true that Carnage was also supposed to show up in The Spectacular Spider-Man?**

 _I honestly don't know. It would have been cool if he did, though._

 ***Guest throws an axe at Duck, but misses and hits Javier.***

Javier: AHH! What did I- UGH, FUCK!

 _Oh, and in the leg, too! I am so sorry! Here…_

*001 goes over to Javier, and pulls the axe from out of his leg.*

Javier: AGHHH! FUUU-

 _I know. It sucks. Can somebody call the hospital?_

 **I FOUND SOMEONE WHO CAN GET CLEM BACK!**

 **Lee: Who?!**

 **Ladies and gentleman, give it up for Hades, from Disney's Hercules!**

 **Hades: Hey! Hades here, lord of the dead! Now look, I came here to tell you guys I can't give you the girl back, alright? I'm sorry, but I have way too many problems, and-**

 **Duck: PLEASE BRING HER BACK!**

 ***Duck grabs hold of Hades' legs.***

 **Duck: I HAVE BEEN TORTURED AND BEATEN FOR 3 CHAPTERS! I BEG YOU, TAKE ME INSTEAD!**

 ***Duck begins sobbing.***

 **Hades: Get off of me!**

 ***Kicks Duck away.***

 **Hades: Alright, I'll make a deal with you. I'll turn back time to when the girl shot herself if you two-**

 ***He points at Lee and Goblin.***

 **Hades: Can stop her, then she'll live. But in return, someone else will have to take her place.**

 **Ben: Why?**

 **Hades: Where there is death, there will always be death. Also, because you dragged me here, I'm taking all of Fat Boy's anime!**

 **Alvin: WHAT?!**

Hades: What? Every man needs some form of porn. And I've heard that that shit is fire!

Lee: Goblin, are you ready to go back in time?

Goblin: Ready as I'll ever be, I guess.

Lee: Okay, Hades. We're ready!

Hades: Good. I now send you back in time!

*And so, Lee and Goblin go back to the past.*

Hades: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom.

*He goes to the bathroom, but not before grabbing one of Alvin's hentai comics. Meanwhile, Lee and Goblin wake up in their bodies from where they were in Chapter Eight, just as Clementine is aiming the loaded shotgun at Duck. Then, she takes the gun, and points it at her chin.*

Lee: Clementine, NO!

*Lee rushes to Clementine, and yanks the shotgun from her hand, but, just as he's grabbing it, she pulls the trigger, which fires a bullet through the ceiling.*

Clementine: WHAT THE HELL?!

Lee: Clem, you're alright! We did it! We saved you!

Goblin: Well, technically, you saved her… why was I sent back in time, again?

 _Uh, what the Hell are you guys talking about?_

*One long, overly convoluted discussion later.*

Duck: So… I was tortured brutally?

Clementine: And Hades sent you back in time to rescue me?

Lee and Goblin: Yep.

 _So, there's only one thing left to say… take it away, guys!_

Lee and Goblin: WELL, THAT WAS FUN! WHO'S UP FOR CHINESE?!  
Duck: I am!

Goblin: Oh, that reminds me!

*He takes a pumpkin bomb, and throws it at Duck's face, killing him.*

Kenny: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Lee: Where there's death…

Goblin: There will always be death!

*The two high five.*

 **Kenny) What's inside your beard?**

Kenny: Uh, weapons, smokes, candy, plans for world domination, and the Krabby Patty secret formula!

Plankton: I KNEW IT!

 _Author's Note: And Clementine is back! After a long disappearance, I hope it was worth the wait! Also, Becca and Ben being in a relationship will be further explained in the future. Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter Fourteen_

 **Plans for world domination!? Kenny, what are you up to?**

Kenny: What? I thought that everybody wanted to rule the world.

 _Oh, so that's why it's at the top of your Itunes playlist._

Kenny: Uh, how do you know that?

 _Okay, secret's out. I look through all of your phones._

Carver: That must explain why I keep getting emails from Pornhub!

 _Uh, Carver, I never looked at Pornhub on your phone._  
Carver: Oh. Well, jeez, I, Uh-

 _You were looking up those old videos you posted with that girl, weren't you?_

Lee: It's cool, man. Like Hades said, everybody needs some form of porn. Yours just happens to be looking up old videos of dead chicks you used to bang.

Kenny: Didn't you bang her, too?

Lee: I did?

Carley: You did.

Lee: Wow! Where were we fucking, anyway?

Kenny: YOU WERE FUCKING IN MY SHIP, AND BEING WATCHED BY MY NOW-DEAD SON, YOU BASTARD.

Lee: How do I not remember any of this?

Carley: And why are you surprised? I'm pretty sure you've fucked every woman in this room!

Clementine: Hey!

Carley: I said every _woman_!

 _I think he's surprised because some asshole wiped his memory, and, keep in mind, he was a changed man._

Lee: That makes sense.

 **Ben) Have you ever used your dinosaur sized cock to pleasure some lucky girls?**

Ben: Well, I-

 _As a matter of fact, he has! In fact, recently, he boned-_

*Ben covers 001's mouth, and leads him out of the room.*

Ben: Are you trying to expose the relationship me and Becca have?

*001 forces Ben's hand off of his mouth.*

 _What relationship? The one where you go behind closed doors and fuck each other? In fact, how did this even begin? When did it begin? And why?_

Ben: Fine. She was crying because she was made the punching bag, and, after all of the humiliation she'd been put through in the past couple of stories, she felt like nobody really liked her. I heard her, and I wanted to make her feel better, so, I took her out on a date. One thing lead to another, and we realized we had a lot more in common than we thought.

 _Like what?_

Ben: Well, we're both black sheeps. We've both received pain and punishment for no reason other than the audience's entertainment. We like watching MLP, and we prefer old music to the shit that's coming out today.

 _Oh man, I'm with you on that last one. Seriously, are any of Justin Bieber's 'songs' supposed to be real music? What the Hell happened to this world?_

Ben: I know, right?!

 _Okay, you and Becca enjoy your relationship. Have fun, and I'll keep it a secret as best I can._

Ben: Thank you.

 _Oh, one more question!_

Ben: Shoot.

 _How many girls have you fucked with that BBC?_

Ben: Around 322.

 _:-O_

 **Woohoo! Clemmy's back! CAKE FOR EVERYONE!**

 ***Shoots everyone with cake cannon.***

 **Goblin: We're not out of the woods yet Lee.**

 **Lee: What do you mean?**

 **Goblin: Clementine seems depressed. Take a look.**

 ***Opens the door and shows Clementine, lying on the couch with the most depressed look on her face.***

 **Lee: Clementine, are you okay?**

 **Clementine: I'm just depressed because NO ONE LOVES ME!**

 ***She begins sobbing.***

 **Goblin: Now, that isn't true! Lots of people love you! There's, uh, your parents and… your grandparents, and, uhh... Lee, jump in! I'm drowning, here!**

 **Lee: We care about you, Clem.**

 **Clementine: No you don't! I ruined our friendship because of that LYING SCUM SUCKING WEASEL!**

 **Kenny: Hey! Shut up about my boy!**

 ***Goblin throws a pumpkin bomb at Kenny and kills him.***

Lee: Clem, I don't care about what happened! What matters is now, and how I don't want you to end up like how I saw you end up in another timeline! I don't want to lose you, too! You remember what it was like when you lost me? How much it hurt?

Clementine: Yeah, yeah, I do.

Goblin: I've lost people, too. My son, Harry. I wasn't there for him, like I should have been. I got so caught up in my work, in the things that I was doing, that it blinded me from being a good father.

 _Clem, I'd miss you! You're my friend, and I don't want to lose a good friend! And the people in the review sections? What about them? When you died, they were clamoring for you to come back! They wanted you back!_

Lee: We all care about you, Clem! None of us want to see you go!

*Clementine turns around, and looks at the wall.*

Goblin: Come on, Lee. Let's go.

*Lee, Goblin, and 001 all prepare to leave Clementine alone, but…*

Clementine: Lee?

Lee: Yeah?

Clementine: Can I talk with you? Just you?

Lee: Sure, sweet pea.

*Lee sits next to Clementine, as 001 and Goblin leave.*

 _Author's Note: Clementine's back! But, unfortunately, no good deed goes unpunished, am I right? The coming chapters will, hopefully, show Clementine getting better, though, as someone who has experience with depression, it might be more realistic to have her 'recovery' be taken slowly. Also, I want to know something: what would you guys think if I did a collaboration with MistyxKisame on a story that she proposed? Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

 **Goblin: Haha! My glider's fixed! Yahoo!**

 ***The glider sparks, and then shoots forward. It flies through the air, and then flies into Becca. It hangs her by her underwear on the wall.***

 **Goblin: Oh, no! Is my glider okay?!**

Becca: Um, hello?! What about me?!

Goblin: Oh, sorry. Becca, get your underwear untied from the spikes on my glider!

Becca: Goblin…

Goblin: Yeah?

Becca: Go fuck yourself.

 **I just thought of something. If Duck is dead, that means that we need a new punching bag! I elect Nick!**

Nick: OH GOD, NO! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE! PLEAAAASSSEEE!

Clementine: Wow, talk about narm.

Lee: What the Hell is narm?

 _Look it up on TV Tropes. Also, I agree. Nick should be the new punching bag!_

Nick: WHY?!

 _Because you're a dumbass._

Nick: 001, I've been shot, cut, amputated, mutilated, and turned into a walrus and a fucking human centipede! I don't deserve it!

 _You have a point. I'll think about it!_

 **Ben) Your hair's on fire.**

Ben: No, it's not.  
*Lee takes out a flamethrower, and sets Ben's hair on fire. Ben begins screaming.*

Lee: It is, now.

Ben: LEE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Becca: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!

Lee: Because I felt like it.

Becca: SOMEBODY CALL THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!

Clementine: I got it.

*Clementine takes out her phone, and dials a number.*

Clementine: Hello? Dominoes?

Becca: CLEMENTINE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Clementine: What can I say? I learned from the best.

Lee: THAT'S ME!

 **Great news! I have a way to help Clem with her depression! The bad news is, in order to do it, we have to go to the underworld! Luckily, I found a chump who will take us there!**

 **Alvin: I'M COMING FOR YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL ANIME!**

 ***Starts building a giant drill.***

 _Didn't that happen in the other timeline? If Clementine never died, then Hades never took the anime._

Hades: Nah, I still took it. Besides, that shit is hot!

 _:-/ Um, 'kay then. I guess everybody has something sexual that they like._

 **What are you all turned on by?**

Lee: I like a perfect pair of boobs.

Carley: I have a slight foot fetish. Just getting that out there.

Alvin: I'm turned on by-

Rebecca: Fake women fucking one another?

Alvin: Bitch, sit down and be humble!

Doug: I get turned on by the idea of Carley in my bed… naked.

Clementine: You nasty fucker!

Luke: I like the idea of a woman in a lobster costume, tasing my nipples!

*Everybody looks at him like he's crazy.*

 _:-/ Um, 'kay then._

Luke: What?! I thought that other people were turned on by that!

 **Alvin: Okay, everyone! We're going to the underworld and we're getting my anime back!**

 **Rebecca: There is no way I'm helping you!**

 ***Alvin slaps Rebecca.***

 **Alvin: Get in the drill, woman!**

 ***He shoves Rebecca into the vehicle, which has a drill attached to it.***

 **Goblin: Hey, you can't treat a woman like that!**

 ***Alvin shoves Goblin and everyone else into the vehicle.***

 **Clementine: This thing is way too small! Ben, get your ass out of my face!**

 **Ben: I would if I could move!**

 **Goblin: Hold on, these controls look like parts of my glider… wait a damn minute! YOU USED MY GLIDER FOR THIS STUPID TIN CAN?!**

 ***Goblin chokes Alvin.***

 **Goblin: You're going to the underworld, alright! In fact, I'll send you there right now, Fat Boy!**

 **Lee: Bro, calm down!**

 ***Lee and Ben try to pull Goblin off of Alvin.***

 **Goblin: YOU OWE ME A NEW GLIDER!**

 **Alvin: Actually, I only used part of your glider. I sold the rest for scrap!**

Goblin: YOU BASTARD!

*Goblin prepares a pumpkin bomb, but Lee stops him.*

Lee: Whoa, man! Listen, calm down. Once we get back, I'll help you build a new one! And Alvin will also help!

Alvin: I will?

*Lee threatens Alvin with a Swiss Army Knife that is really close to his nose.*

Alvin: I mean, I will!

Goblin: Thank you.

 _Anyway, to the underworld!_

 _Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! I've been waiting for more people to comment, and since I realized that I've kept you on hold long enough, I decided to post a new chapter! Also, my schedule will be inconsistent, as I'm gonna be out of town quite a bit over the next couple of weeks, starting with a trip to Wisconsin on Thursday, and a trip to Montana the following week that goes from Friday, July 7th, to July 16th, and, while I'm in Montana, I won't be allowed to have any technology with me, so there won't be any updates until at least the day I get back. So, I'll try and post as much as I can from today until next Friday! Anyway, thank you all for reading, leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	16. Chapter 16

_Chapter Sixteen_

 **Lily) I just want to say, thank you for shooting Carley. I wish you could have been in the game longer.**

Lily: THANK YOU!

Carley: Fuck you! Fuck the both of you!

Lily: Hey, at least they're being honest! You died in Episode 3!

Carley: And where were you for the rest of the season? Or in Season Two? Or Three?

Lee: Burn, bitch! Burn!

 _Uh… that wasn't really a burn._

Lee: I don't care.

 **Ben) Someone just cut your dick off with a chainsaw.**

*Ben pulls down his pants, and reveals his giant schlong, which currently has an erection.*

Ben: Nope, it's still there.

Clementine: EWW!

 **Alvin: TO THE UNDERWORLD!**

 ***Pushes the start button, and the drill drills a giant hole in the ground, leading to the underworld. 10 hours later, the drill finally stops in the underworld. The Goblin throws the door open.***

 **Goblin: *Cough, cough, ack, ahhh*! Clementine, what the freaking heck did you eat!?**

 **Clementine: It's not my fault that idiot didn't build a bathroom in here! Speaking of which…**

 ***She runs to the nearest outhouse.***

 **Lee: Why are there porta potties here?**

 **Goblin: Don't know, don't care. Let's just take a look at where we are.**

 ***Lee and Goblin walk to the edge of the cliff they're on, and see Hades' palace, and the rest of the underworld.***

 **Lee: Huh. Looks like Detroit.**

 ***Evanescence music starts playing.***

 **Goblin: Man, Hades has great taste in music!**

 ***Starts dancing to 'Bring Me to Life'.***

 **Rebecca: What's with the music?**

 **Clementine: We have a big problem! There's no toilet paper!**

Lee: Shit! Literally!

 _Evanescence is from Detroit? Huh. That I did not know._

Clementine: Mothefuckers, I need to take a shit! What the fuck do I do?!

 _Just take a shit on Nick's head._

Nick: WHAT?!

 _Why not? You're the new punching bag after all, remember?_

Clementine: Thanks for the idea! Now get over here, you son of a bitch!

Nick: Stay away from me!

 ***The Scumbags all walk to the River Styx, and find a tour boat.***

 **?: I was wondering when you guys would show up.**

 **Clementine: Who said that?**

 **?: I did!**

 ***Nico Di Angelo from the Percy jackson Series steps out of the shadows.***

 **Clementine: Um, uh, guh... hi...**

 **Goblin: Smooth.**

 ***Clementine punches Goblin in the gut.***

 ***Alvin grabs Nico by the shirt.***

 **Alvin: Where's my anime, you little goblin?!**

 **Nico: Chill out, fatty. It's at my Dad's castle. You won't be able to get in, anyway! Cerberus, our guard dog, will eat you, and you'd have to cross the River Styx to get there, and my tour boat only goes so far.**

 **Alvin: I'll give you the girl if you help me.**

 **Nico: Deal.**

 **Clementine: WHAT?!**

 ***Goblin and Lee tackle Alvin, and beat him up.***

 **Nico: Well, while those three duke it out, welcome to the son of Hades' tour boat!**

 ***Everyone walks onto the boat.***

 **Nico: This is also the ferry for the dead, so try not to offend them.**

 ***BeetleJuice sits next to Becca.***

 **Beetlejuice: How's it hanging?**

 **Becca: Clem, switch seats with me!**

Clementine: Fuck no! You can sit next to Batman!

 _Actually, he's not Batman anymore._

Ben Affleck: He's right. I'm Batman.

 _No, you're playing a psychotic alternate version of Batman._

Ben Affleck: Shit.

Will Arnett: I'm Batman.

Lee, Clementine, and Ben Affleck: NO ONE CARES ABOUT LEGO BATMAN!

Will Arnett: Whose movie got a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, again?

*Affleck starts crying.*

MistyxKisame: Fuck the both of you. I'M BATMAN.

Lee: You are? How the fuck did I forget that?!

 _The same way that everyone else did: when Interviews of the Scumbags: Season Three was erased from Fanfiction. Besides, Michael Keaton is Vulture, now! So, it doesn't really matter!_

Clementine: And it's not like you have a boyfriend, Becca!

Beetlejuice: Becca, have I ever told you that I like eating sushi… off of women's nude asses?

Becca: GOD, HELP ME!

Clementine: Hey, Lee, isn't that your dead ex-girlfriend I see floating in the lava?

Lee: How should I know? I don't remember her!

 _I can fix that!_

*Gives back Lee's lost memories.*

Lee: Wow, we really did fuck on that ship. Too bad it was one time. I wouldn't mind doing that again! Hey lady! Thanks for the memories!  
 _Ahem! Aren't you forgetting who gave you the memories back? And if I recall, I'm the guy who wrote that scenario in that story in the first place! So, if anybody should be getting thanked, it's me!_

Lee: Okay, thank you for the memories.

Beetlejuice: What can I say except-

*Clementine cocks her gun, and aims it at Beetlejuice.*

Clementine: If you finish that sentence, I will blow your fucking brains out.

 **Nico: Okay people, the tour boat stops here! You can walk the rest of the way! Fatty, you're with me. Let's go get your anime. Goblin, you and Lee go down the stairs. Clementine, you go down that corridor. The rest of you, try not to get eaten by Cerberus. Let's roll!**

 ***He walks off with Alvin.***

 **Clementine: I don't know why, but for some reason, I feel like I have to go down that corridor… see you guys.**

 ***Goes down the corridor in a trance.***

 **Lee: Well, I sure as Hell am not taking the stairs!**

 **Goblin: Me neither. It's probably a death-O_O**

 **Lee: What?**

 **Goblin: T-t-turn around.**

 ***Lee turns, and sees Cerberus growling at him.***

 **Lee: Let's take the stairs!**

 **Goblin and Lee sprint down the stairs.***

Lee: Did you see that fucking thing?!

Goblin: Of course I did! What the Hell was that?!

Lee: It was a three-headed dog! Jesus!

 _I'm already scared of dogs, but the idea of a three-headed, giant guard dog is a terrifying thought for me._

 **So what does everyone think of the underworld?**

 **Ben: HELP ME! AHHHHHHH!**

 _Uh, Becca? Aren't you gonna help your boyfriend?_

Becca: I can't. It'll blow our cover. Besides, I'll repay him later by giving him some of my-

 _Don't. Finish. That. Sentence._

Becca: Milkshake. I was about to say milkshake.

 _Oh, okay. Wait a minute…_

Becca: Yep.

 _O_O_

 **Ben) How do you feel about Kenny's death, and are you glad that he's gone?**

Ben: I really don't know how to feel. On the one hand, that's one less person who abuses me. On the other hand, I feel bad for Jane. It must be hard for her to lose her husband.

Larry: Speaking of which, why hasn't that been focused on as a story arc?

Carley: Yeah, that could make for a really interesting story arc!

Jane: In fact, I've barely had any lines in this thing!

Omid and Christa: Neither have we!

 _Omid, I'll only give you lines if you twerk uncontrollably while performing your Magic Mike routine._

Omid: Good thing I wore a thong, today!

Everyone: DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!

 _Author's Note: Sorry for the delay! I was busy with Grayson, and I wanted to focus on that. At the same time, I didn't want to leave you guys hanging, so I decided to postpone Grayson for a little to focus on this story! And, for those of you who are fans of Grayson and can't wait for the next chapter, don't worry, it'll be up by tomorrow! Hopefully. Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	17. Chapter 17

_Since I'm going to be out of town until next Sunday, no stories will be published until then. The reason for this is that I can't have any electronic devices up where I'm going, which is a camp in Montana, so I wouldn't be able to publish anything. Until then, I recommend you read some of my other stories, or check out my favorite stories and authors in the meantime! Anyway, thank you all for understanding. I hope that me not publishing any stories for a while doesn't upset you guys, which is why I decided to tell you ahead of time. The next time I type anything, I'll be close to finishing Grayson, I'll be continuing with this story, and I'll be focusing on Thunderbird and Lego Batman: The Douche Knight. Until next time, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, and you guys rock!_


	18. Chapter 18

_Chapter Seventeen_

 **Actually, Evanescence is from Little Rock, Arkansas.**

 _ **Oh, sorry! I didn't know! Thanks for informing me!**_

 **Goblin: Man, this place gives me the creeps. Three headed dogs, souls trapped in a river, and I think I saw my ex-wife in there!**

 **Lee: I wish I saw my ex wife in there!**

 **?: Ahahahaha, good one!**

 **Lee: Thanks! Wait a fuck, who said that?**

 **?: I did!**

 ***Suddenly, Venom jumps down in front of them.***

 **Lee: Gah!**

 **Goblin: YOU!**

 **Venom: Gobby, you remember me! I'm touched!**

 **Lee: You know this guy?**

 **Goblin: He murdered my wife!**

 **Venom: Yep, and I'd do it over again!**

 **Goblin: You son of-**

 **Venom: Hehehe. OH! I almost forgot, meet my new host!**

 ***He peels his face back, revealing…***

 **Lee and Goblin: Kenny?!**

 **Kenny: Yep, I'm back! And me and Venom are gonna tear you both limb from limb, and then we'll take your place!**

 ***Turns back into Venom.***

 **Venom: And for killing my new host's boy, we'll kill Clementine!**

Lee: Like Hell, you will, you son of a bitch!

Venom: I don't have a Mom, you idiot!

Lee: Never mind that, Goblin, let's kick his ass!

Goblin: No need to argue!

*The two attack Venom. Lee takes his gun, and fires it at Venom. Goblin throws a pumpkin bomb at him, making Venom scream.*

Lee: I think it's working! Let's keep doing what we're doing.

*Venom then laughs in a creepy way.*

Venom: You idiots! This is only hurting me a little!

Goblin: Damn! I forgot, only one thing hurts him.

Lee: What is it?

Goblin: I don't remember.

Lee: FUCK!

 **Clementine: How is this dump supposed to help me feel better!?**

 **?: Clementine! Clementine!**

 ***Clem runs down the hall, and reaches a river. Inside it is Duck's soul.***

 **Duck: Clementine, help me!**

Clementine: Why should I help you, you miserable, lying bastard?!

Duck: Clementine, I'm sorry for what I did! I never should have lied to you! If you help me, I promise you, I'll never lie again! Please, get me out of here!

Clementine: So, the only reason you want me to help you is that you don't want to suffer anymore?

Duck: YES!

Clementine: Well, have a nice life!

Duck: YOU FUCKING BITCH! I'll haunt you!

Clementine: And I'll suck you into the Ghost Dimension.

*She leaves.*

 **Have fun on your trip, 001! Also, Becca, pull your pants up! it's rude to show your crack to dead folks!**

 _Thank you! The trip was amazing! I loved almost every second of it!_

*Becca realizes that her pants are sagging, revealing her ass-crack.*

Becca: Oh, my God! Stop looking at my ass!

 _They're not looking at your ass._

*Nick pantses Becca, revealing her nude lower-half.*

 _Well, now they are!_

*Becca covers her private parts and ass, albeit poorly.*

Nick: Nice pussy!

Becca: FUCK YOU!

 ***Venom throws Lee into a wall.***

 **Lee: Ow!**

 **Goblin: You're gonna pay for that!**

 ***Prepares to throw a pumpkin bomb at Venom, only for the symbiote to kick him in the crotch.***

 **Goblin: Ow…**

 ***Falls over in pain.***

 **Venom: I love my job!**

Lee: You have a job?!

Venom: What do you think this is?!

*Venom continues to kick the crap out of them, until..*

Venom: Well, I think it's clear that I've taken the trophy for most badass character in this story.

Darth Vader: Hold my beer.

*Vader takes out his lightsaber, and goes Rogue One on Venom's ass. Eventually, the symbiote comes off of Kenny, and he falls to the ground, unconscious.*

Lee: Thanks, man! Without you, we would've been fucked!

Darth Vader: No problem, man. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to my beer.

Goblin: Uh, Lord Vader? I'm a big fan, and… I wanted to know if… you could sign my glider? With your lightsaber?

Darth Vader: Oh, what the Hell? Why not?

*He does so.*

Goblin: If anybody destroys this, I will kill them!

*Goblin and Lee leave.*

 ***Cerberus is chasing everyone.***

 **Carley: I am not a chew toy!**

 **Ben: Ahhhhhhh!**

 ***Cerberus grabs Becca by her pants, and starts shaking her.***

 **Becca: Help!**

 ***Pants start to rip.***

*Becca's pants come off, revealing that she went commando.*

 _Why do you go all the time without underwear?!_

Becca: All my underwear are ruined!

 _CLEAN THEM!_

Becca: I'm a slob!

Nick: Damn right!

Becca: FUCK YOU!

 **Hey, 001, on the Venom comments, I forgot that Venom says 'we' instead of 'I'. Do you think you could change that? And maybe change Venom killing Goblin's son to his wife? I forgot that this was TV Goblin and not movie Goblin, but if you can't change it, I understand.**

 _Don't worry about it! I just did!_

 **Clementine) How's the underworld?**

Clementine: HORRIBLE! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

 _Would you say that if you got to meet Darth Vader?_

Clementine: No, my answer would still be-

Darth Vader: Hello there, children.

Clementine: Huh-buh-ji-ja-ba-jew-wa-DARTH VADER?!

Darth Vader: In the flesh.

Luke: That's iron-

Darth Vader: If you say 'that's ironic', I will use the Force to reattach your penis to your mouth.

Luke: I'll shut up, now.

Carley: Lord Vader, what are you doing here?!

Darth Vader: Well, for my crimes against the Galaxy, I was sentenced to live in the Underworld until the day I'm free to go.

Lilly: When will that happen?

Darth Vader: When Disney gives Lucasfilm up.

 _Soooo, never?_

Darth Vader: Pretty much. But that still doesn't stop me from being awesome!

Nick: Oh, puh-lease! We all know that Kylo Ren is more badass than you are!

Darth Vader: Would you care to explain how?

Nick: Can you stop blaster bolts in midair? I don't think so!

Darth Vader: Ahem… hold my beer.

*Ten minutes later, and Nick's body is completely mangled. His penis is attached to his mouth, his fingers have been sewn together, and his hands and legs have switched places… and he's still alive!*

Clementine: Jesus. Peeing is going to be a fucking bitch for him!

Darth Vader: I wouldn't worry about that, Clementine. It's the part about getting laid that I'd be worried about.

 _Can anybody believe that Vader did that with nothing but the Force?!_

Larry: Not gonna lie, that looks worse than the Human Centipede and Mr. Tusk, combined.

Darth Vader: That means I did a great job!

 _Author's Note: I'm back! Sorry for the delay, I've been really lazy as of late, but I promise to bring you guys more material in the coming days! Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	19. Chapter 19

_Chapter Nineteen_

 **Goblin: Okay, time to test my glider again!**

 ***The glider flies one inch off the ground before puffing up smoke and crashing.***

 **Goblin: Dang it!**

 **Darth Vader: I got this!**

 ***Vader uses the force to fix Goblin's glider.***

 **Goblin: Thanks man!**

 ***Suddenly, a hiss and a loud bark of pain is heard.***

 **Clementine: What was-**

 ***Suddenly, Venom riding Cerberus crashes into the room.***

 **Venom: We're here!**

 ***Suddenly, Cerberus bites down on Vader, chews him up, and swallows him.***

 **Goblin: Noooo!**

 ***Venom turns to Clem.***

 **Venom: You're coming with us!**

 ***Shoots a black web at Clementine, and then crawls along the cavern walls with Clem kicking and screaming.***

 **Lee: NO! Goblin, we gotta go get her!**

 **Goblin: I know!**

 ***He ties a chain around the back of his glider.***

 **Goblin: My glider can only hold one person hold this chain! Hang on!**

 ***He hops on his glider, and begins to take off.***

 **Lee: Wait, what?!**

 ***Holds on to the chain, as he gets bashed into Cerberus and a field of rocks. Then, Cerberus lifts his leg. Cerberus pees on everyone.)**

Lee: FUCK! MY BALLS!

Goblin: Sorry!

Everyone: EWW!

Rebecca: THIS IS FUCKING NASTY!

Becca: Alvin, when we get back, I'M GOING TO CASTRATE YOU!

Nick: *Nonsensical muffling.*

Larry: You said it, motherfucker!

 **Nick) I love your new look!**

Nick: (FUCK YOU, AND YOUR FAT WIFE! IF I EVER TURN NORMAL AGAIN, I'M GONNA GO TO YOUR HOUSE, AND I'M GONNA RIP YOUR BALLS OFF, THEN, I'LL FEED THEM TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING CHILDREN, AND STICK MY OWN IN THEIR MOUTHS!)

 _Jeez, Nick. Violent much?_

Nick: (I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK, YOU BITCH! IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I'D KILL YOU AND RUN THIS FUCKING THING, MYSELF!)

 _Huh. Well, you see…_

*001 pulls out a knife, grabs Nick's head, and cuts off the dick attached to it with one swoop.*

Nick: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

 _The screaming will go on for a while, so let's move on._

 ***Venom takes Clementine, and walks over to a deep pit.***

 **Venom: This is Tartarus, where the worst of the worst go, along with the Titan Lord Kronos! I think he'd appreciate a new harem girl!**

 **Clementine: Let go of me, you freak!**

 **Venom: That's the idea, stupid!**

 **Clementine: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!**

 ***Swings a punch at Venom, who peels his face back, causing Clem to punch Kenny.***

 **Clementine: KENNY?! YOU'RE THIS THING'S HOST?!**

 **Kenny: Yeah, ow!**

 ***He holds his broken nose before going back to Venom.***

 **Venom: So, any last words?**

Clementine: Go to Hell, you damn dirty… thing!

Venom: You didn't even get the first part of the reference right!

Clementine: Oh.

Venom: Anywho, where was I? Oh, right! TIME TO DIE!

Clementine: WAIT!

Venom: WHAT NOW?

Clementine: I'm gonna miss a bunch of people, and things.

Venom: Okay, well, we don't have time to-

Clementine: My parents, Lee, Carley, Duck, before he was a rat bastard, Katjaa, my innocence-

Venom: Okay, kid. We get the-

Clementine: I've always wanted to try Cheese-Whiz. Especially on crackers.

Venom: Gross! Why would you-

Clementine: I hate 'The Notebook' and Interstellar.

Venom: Wait, what?!

Clementine: Yeah, I hate both.

Venom: But 'The Notebook' is so sweet!

Clementine: Yeah, if you're in an insane asylum.

Venom: And how could you not like Interstellar! It was so good!

Clementine: And long. And boring. And stupid. And cliche. And-the list is endless to describe what else Interstellar was other than 'good'.

Venom: Okay, that's it! Time to-

Clementine: Can we flip a coin on this?

Venom: WHAT?!

Clementine: If you're gonna kill me, you should at least flip a coin to determine whether or not to, because, you never know, killing a kid might haunt you the rest of your life.

Venom: Ugh, fine.

*He pulls out a coin.*

Venom: Heads or tails?

Clementine: Heads. No, tails. Actually, heads. Well, maybe-

Venom: Okay! Here's how it's gonna go! You're either gonna suffer the same fate as everyone else I've killed down here, or live! And the way I see it, you have the same chance as everyone else! Fifty-fifty!

Clementine: How could we possibly determine my fate?

Venom: BY FLIPPING A FUCKING COIN!

Clementine: Well, if that's the case, let's just flip a coin! It's heads or tails, so we need fifty coins! And then, fifty more! Fifty-fifty!

*Venom pulls back his face.*

Kenny: Clementine, are you fucking serious?

Clementine: And then, in a computer, we can analyze it! WITH SCIENCE!

*The 'Bill Nye, The Science Guy' theme starts playing. Then, Kenny, with a blank expression on his face, peels back into Venom.*

Venom: I changed my mind. I'm just gonna fucking kill you, right here and now.

 **Venom holds Clementine over Tartarus. Then, Goblin flies over on his glider with a battered Lee.***

 **Goblin: Let her go!**

 **Lee: Yeah!**

 **Venom: Alright.**

 ***He lets go of Clementine, without hesitation.***

 **Clem: You idiots! Ahhhhhh-**

 ***A hand grabs Clem and stops her from falling. Then, the Superman theme starts playing.***

 **Bill Cipher: Well, that's my good deed for the day! Hey, ugly! Catch!**

 ***Bill throws Clem at Goblin. He catches her.***

 **Goblin: OOF! Okay, you need to lay off the sandwiches! And, what did you just call me?!**

 ***Bill then pulls out a guitar, and starts playing heavy metal. Venom screams in agony. The suit peels off Kenny, and slithers away.***

 **Goblin: His weakness is heavy metal! How could I forget that!?**

 **Bill: Rock on!**

 ***Suddenly, Goblin's glider starts to fall.***

 **Goblin: We're losing altitude! Okay, Clem, seriously, LAY OFF THE SANDWICHES!**

Clementine: ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M FAT?!

Goblin: NO! I'm just telling you to lay off the sandwiches!

Clementine: We're going to fall!

Goblin: Oh, crap!

*The glider begins to fall. The two begin screaming.*

Lee: Alright, I've run outta patience! UNDEROOS!

*The Spectacular Spider-Man comes in, and swings down into Tartarus. He webs up Clementine, Goblin, even Kenny! Then, he swings back up, and lets them down safely!*

Clementine: Spider-Man! Thank you!

Spider-Man: No problem! Remember! Everybody gets one!

Goblin: YOU!

Spider-Man: Me.

Goblin: Well, I must admit, I never thought I'd see you again, Spider-Man. Especially in a place like this.

Spider-Man: Well, after the cancellation, I got into trouble with the law. Now, I gotta do some time. And, after today, I'll have a month left of being down here.

Lee: Nevertheless, thanks for saving Clem.

Goblin: I'll give you that, Spider-Man. Thanks for saving her.

Spider-Man: No problem! I'll see you in a month!

*Lee grabs Kenny by the collar.*

Lee: You're coming with us. We have plans for you, Kenneth. Fun plans.

*Lee grins evilly. Then, he punches Kenny in the face, and starts dragging him around. The four leave, and find the rest of the group.*

Alvin: I got my anime!

Clementine: FINALLY! Now, we can leave!

Lee: Damn right!

*They all make their way into the drill.*

 _Let's go home!_

 _ **FOUR DAYS LATER.**_

*The group arrives in a park in Downtown Minneapolis.*

Goblin: AH! Fresh air!

?: FINALLY!

?: WE'RE FREE!

*Out from under the drill, in a little compartment beneath it, come Darth Vader and Spider-Man.*

Goblin: YOU TWO?!

 _How did you get on board without anyone noticing?! And how is Vader still alive?!_

Spider-Man: We snuck on when you weren't looking.

Vader: Nobody can kill me, anymore.

 _Whatever. Well, I guess you're stuck with us until further notice. How do you like your coffee in the morning?_

 _Author's Note: Thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	20. Chapter 20

_Chapter Twenty_

 **Well, Nick, you've peaked my interest. You think you can run this freakshow? I'll call your bet!**

 ***Snaps fingers, and Nick and 001 switch places.***

 **You're in charge now, Nick! Have fun! Ahahahahaha!**

 _Well, I'm going on vacation! See you all, later!_

Goblin: Have fun, 001!

Lee: We'll keep Nick in check for you!

Clementine: But first, we have to get him surgically unaltered!

Lee and Goblin: To HCMC!

 **Goblin: Well, I'm going to Denny's. Anyone want to come?**

 **Clem: Sure, why not?**

 **Lee: I could go for some waffles.**

 **Spider-Man: I'm game!**

 **Goblin: You're not coming!**

 **Spider-Man: Am too!**

 **Goblin: No, you're not!**

 **Spiderman: Okay, I'll just take your glider and go to Vegas.**

 **Goblin: *Sigh*, Fine, you can come.**

 **Spider-Man: Nope, I'm going to Burger King! Yahoo!**

 ***Web swings away.***

 **Goblin: I regret not killing him!**

 **Clem: How are we gonna get to Denny's, anyway? We don't have a car!**

 **Vader: Leave that to me.**

 ***Dials a number on the phone. Moments later, an imperial shuttle lands out front.***

 **Vader: Let's roll.**

Lee: Sweet ride!

Clementine: Let's go!

Reginald: Actually, you do have a car.

Vader: Who the fuck are you?

Reginald: My name is Reginald. I am the butler to the Author.

Lee: So, that's who 001 was going to talk to, a few chapters ago!

Reginald: Yes, I am that person. And the car is a 2032 Mustang limousine. It's a car that the Author received from one of his other stories. I, of course, am the driver.

Lee: That's ironic.

Vader: Well, shit. I guess I didn't need to call in the shuttle.

*He pulls out his phone.*

Vader: Command Center? Yes, this is Lord Vader. I want you to forget my last request. Park the shuttle. Oh, and if you so much as scratch that thing, I'll shove my lightsaber down your throat.

 **EVERYBODY, RUN! JAMIE'S GOT A GUN!**

Jane: MY SISTER IS ALIVE?!

Rebecca: Different Jamie! Just some psycho-bitch with a gun!

Carver: Wait a minute… that's no gun! THAT'S A FUCKING GRENADE LAUNCHER!

Larry: EVERYBODY, RUN!

*Everyone starts running away from the crazy woman called 'Jamie', who is shooting at them as they run through the hallway.*

Lilly: She's coming after us!

Carley: RUN FASTER!

Ben: HOLY SHIT, SHE'S WEARING CLEATS!

Luke: OUTTA MY WAY! OUTTA MY WAY!

 **So, Lee, what do you guys plan to do to Kenny?**

Lee: I did plan on cutting his balls off and feeding them to him. Either that or cutting them off, and then cutting out his eyeballs, and having them switch places. Or, he could get the Human Centipede/Mr. Tusk treatment, and get turned into a freak or an even bigger freak! Or… you know what? I'm gonna make a list! Who has a pen and a bunch of toilet paper?

Clementine: I've got a pen!

Goblin: I'll go get the toilet paper.

Vader: Why do you need toilet paper?

Lee: I don't want to cut my finger.

Vader: So, you don't want to use real paper because you're afraid of getting a paper cut?

Lee: Yup.

Vader: But you're okay with going to the Underworld, and, from what you've told me about your other adventures, you've travelled across the galaxy, been held captive multiple times, got into multiple physical fights, and even went into a pedophile/rapist's dream to kill him, and you're scared of getting a fucking paper cut?

Lee: Yessirree, Bob!

Vader: I completely understand you, now.

 **Lee, terrible news! Nick sold all of your magazines on eBay, and then the idiot who bought them dropped them in a sewer!**

Lee: Nick, you motherfucker! Those were my porn magazines! Do you know how many times I jerked off to those?! Or humped them?! Or used them as a condom?!

Nick: Do I want to-

Lee: 3220 times, in total!

Nick: You-you kept count?!

Lee: Wouldn't you?!

 _Author's Note: This was a fun chapter to write! There were two references in it, so that made it especially fun! If you noticed the references, tell me in a review! Also, I've been thinking about rewriting 'Thunderbird', as well as introducing a new story that would be a_ _crossover between the 'Planet of the Apes' reboot trilogy and 'The Walking Dead' TV show titled "Redemption for the Planet of the Walking Dead'. What do you guys think? Whatever your thoughts are, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_

 _P.S: Make Nick suffer for me, all you lovely reviewers!_


	21. Chapter 21

_Chapter Twenty-One_

 **So, Nick, now that you're in charge, what is the first thing you're going to do?**

 ***Nick snaps his fingers, and turns Ben into Mr. Tusk, and Luke, Sarah, Carver and Jane into a Human Centipede.***

 **Nick: Oh and while I'm at it maybe I should call Goku, Bill, and my old girlfriend back. What do you guys think?**

Luke: WE DON'T CARE! GET THESE PEOPLE OFF MY ASS!

Ben: (Unintelligible screeching.)

Becca: NICK, YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL FUCK YOU UP!

Nick: Sit down, bitch! Be humble! And besides, why are you standing up for this shitbird? I mean, it's not like he's your boyfriend or some shit like that, right?

Becca: GRRRRR-TURN MY BOYFRIEND BACK TO NORMAL, YOU SHIT!

Clementine: Wait, what?!

Lee: When the fuck did that happen?!

Becca: A little while ago, and because you clownfucks didn't give two shits about either of us!

Nick: Bullshit! I want real proof!

Becca: Oh, you want real proof? I'LL GIVE YOU SOME FUCKING REAL PROOF, BASTARD!

*She grabs a DVD from her room, and puts the disc into the DVD player. We then see Becca lying on her bed, wearing nothing but a bra. Then, Ben comes in, wearing a shirt, _**JUST HIS SHIRT**_ , and then, he plunges his erect cock into Becca's-*

Rebecca, Lilly, and Carley: HOLY SHIT!

*Goblin's mouth drops to the floor. Alvin pulls down his pants, and starts shaking his throbbing cock. Luke is drooling on the floor.*

Clementine: I'll be the first to say it: THAT SHIT IS FIRE!

*Lee starts clapping.*

Lee: WOOHOO! GO, BEN!

Nick: Still not gonna turn him back. Oh, and by the way, I believed you already! I just wanted to see what you'd do!

Becca: MOTHERFUCKER!

Pie face!

 ***Guest shoves a pie in Clem's face.***

Clementine: What the Hell was that for?!

Nick: Probably because the guest felt like it.

Clementine: I wasn't asking you.

Nick: Too damn bad, because you got an answer, muchacha.

Clementine: MUCHACHA?!

 ***The guest snaps his/her fingers, and lights everyone's pants on fire, including Nick's.***

Lee: Holy shit!

Clem: MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE! MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!

Larry: What the fuck do we do?!

Vader: WAIT! I have a solution!

Spider-Man: What is it?

Vader: EVERYBODY, PEE!

Goblin: Uh, I don't think that's a good-

Vader: EVERYBODY. PEE. NOW.

*Hesitantly, everyone pees their pants out of fear, putting out the fire.*

Lee: We will never speak of this, again.

*Everybody nods in ascent.*

 **Uh, guys? Jamie's back, and she just picked up Clem, and is using her to beat Luke!**

 **Jamie: I'll beat a mofo with another mofo!**

 **Clementine: HEEEELLLLP!**

Ed: Put my daughter down!

Jamie: Really, man? You had the perfect opportunity to say 'you bitch', and you didn't take it? That's just stupid.

*Suddenly, Diana comes out of her room with two pumpkin bombs.*

Diana: Get away from her, you bitch!

Jamie: That's more like-

*Clementine punches Jamie in the face, which makes Jamie drop her to the ground.*

Diana: EVERYBODY, DUCK!

Kenny: MY SON IS ALIVE?!

*Clementine runs into Lee's arms, as Diana throws the bombs. They blow up, and Jamie's guts, blood, and mangled body splatter all over the room. Also, an entire part of the room is destroyed, letting in the cold air.*  
Lee: Ho-

Clementine: Ly-

Goblin: Fuck.

Kenny: Great. Just great! Now an entire part of the room is gone completely! Who's gonna clean up for this shit?! And who can pay for it?!

Nick: I can! I'll just use the money that 001 has!

Reginald: Actually, the master took all of that money.

Nick: WHAT?

Reginald: He said, and I quote, 'Nick will obviously use all of my money, so, in order to stop that from happening, I'm going to take it all with me'.

Nick: That son-of-a-bitch! I wouldn't have used all of his money! Except for maybe on a few strippers, and some hookers, and a few movies, and an expensive dinner at Red Lobster, and… okay, maybe I would use all of it.

 ***Suddenly, an entire pack of wolves run in and maul Nick. Then, Nick snaps his fingers, and the wolves turn and attack Luke.***

 **Luke: Dude, what the fuck?!**

 **Nick: Ah, I love being in charge!**

Reginald: I do beg your pardon sir, but, you do realize that you won't be in charge much longer, right?

Nick: Huh?

Reginald: The master is coming back, soon. He just got done publishing the first chapter of his latest story.

Nick: Well, fuck.

 _Nick's Note: Well, uh, I don't know how to end this chapter. What does 001 usually do? Oh, it_ _doesn't matter. Anyway, thank you all for reading. Also, to the guest who had the idea to have me turn my 'friends' into those freaks, you get a gold star! Anywho, that's all! Go. Leave. Get out before I cattle prod you._


	22. Chapter 22

_Chapter Twenty-Two_

 **Nick: I am not giving up being in charge that easy!**

 **Clem: Why am I not surprised?**

 ***Nick summons his old gang.***

 **Bill: It's good to be back!**

 **Goku: 'Sup, pal?!**

 ***Goku fists bumps Nick.**

 **Nick: Okay, guys. I'm in charge of the story, now. But 001 is coming back. So, who wants to help me fight him for control?**

 **Bill: HELL NO! I am not getting my triangular ass handed to me, again! That, and I'm sick of being banned from this story!**

 ***He goes next to Clem.***

 **Bill: I'm moving to the Clemenside!**

 **Nick: Fine. After we deal with 001, you'll go next.**

 ***In response, Bill punches Nick through six walls.***

 **Bill: Who's next?!**

 ***Goku wets his pants.***

 **Lee: Nice punch. What makes you think you can't take 001?**

 **Bill: Past experiences, and authors always overpower themselves. It's how I lost the first time.**

 _I'm not overpowered. I was just trained well._

Everyone: 001!

*They all go over to shake his hand.*

 _Great to see you guys, again! Also, I see that Nick made quite the mess. I'll just take some money out of his paycheck to pay for it!_

Lee: Good to have you back, ya bastard!

Clementine: Wait, who were you trained by?

 _The Nostalgia Critic. Trust me, that guy knows how to kick some ass!_

*Nick gets up, and walks over to 001.*

Nick: This isn't over! I'm not giving up your job, so easily!

 _Nick, give it a rest. We both know you can't beat me in hand-to-hand combat. Or any combat, for that matter._

Nick: I… I'll… yeah, you're right.

 _Don't feel bad. There are a lot of people who let power get to their heads._

Clementine: Wait, if that's the case, how come you're not affected?

 _Who says I'm not?_

 **Yay! I got a gold star!**

 ***Snaps fingers, and Sarah and Becca are attached to each other by their asses.***

 **Like dog and cat.**

 _More like Catdog. Anyone else remember that show? Also, if it's from Nick, I'm sure it doesn't mean much. But, since you've been a good sport, I'll give you a free ticket to go on a shrimp boat! And guess what? It doesn't expire!_

Lee: I remember Catdog!

Goblin: Harry used to watch it. I watched it, also. Good times, good times.

Sarah: Get us out of this!

Becca: Actually, I don't mind. I like your ass, Sarah.

*Everyone, including Sarah and Ben, stares at Becca.*

Ben: What. The fuck. Did you. Just say?

Becca: What can I say? I like a good ass!

Lee: IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S GOT A B-GREAT ASS!

*Ben stares at Lee, mouth agape.*

Lee: AND YOU GOT YOUR HEAD, ALL THE WAY UP IT!

Ben: Uh, Lee?

Lee: Now, when I think of a woman's ass, something comes outta me.

Clementine: Pee?

Lee: Uh… sure.

 **Wait, if Sarah and Becca are stuck together by their asses, what happens when they have to go to the bathroom?**

 **Lilly: Hey, guys! I just made some chili! So, who wants some?**

 ***Everyone backs away, fearfully.***

 **Lee: Uh, no thanks! We, uh, had dinner already!**

 **Goblin: Uh, yeah, sorry.**

 **Lilly: Come on! Just one bite?!**

 **Goblin: Um, uh, Sarah and Becca didn't eat yet!**

 **Sarah: Dude!**

 **Becca: Not cool, Greenie!**

 **Lilly: Great!**

 ***Lilly walks over, and shoves a spoonful of Chili into Sarah's mouth.***

 **Lilly: Let me know what you think! I wasn't sure whether to add more hot sauce or more salt, so I did both!**

 ***She shoves another spoonful into Sarah's mouth.***

 **Carver: Hey, Ben. You got a sec?**

 **Ben: Yeah, Carver?**

 **Carver: I wanna give you some dating advice. One, don't listen to Lee! EVER!**

 **Ben: Yeah, I got that one.**

 **Carver: Good, good. Second, girls love it when their boyfriends feed them.**

 **Ben: Really?**

 **Carver: Yeah, it's a romantic thing. Like in 'Lady and the Tramp'!**

 **Ben: I'll do it!**

 ***Ben goes over to Becca with a bowl of Lilly's chili.***

 **Becca: Ben, what are you-**

 ***She gets a spoonful of chili shoved into her mouth.***

 **Ben: Carver says women like it when their boyfriends feed them! So, I thought we should try it!**

 **Becca: BEN, WAIT!**

 ***Ben, being the dunderhead that he is, keeps stuffing Becca with chili.***

 **Becca: Bemmmhph!**

 ***Becca and Sarah's stomachs start growling.***

 **Vader: SHE'S GONNA BLOW!**

 ***His face plants into the floor.***

*Sarah and Becca gag for a second, and then, they puke at the same time. And it gets everywhere! Then, they shit their pants, and that too gets everywhere!*

Lee: HOLY SHIT!

Goblin: Literally!

Kenny: This is fucking nasty!

Clementine: Glad it wasn't me in that scenario!

Sarah: GREAT! Now we're going to have to take a bunch of baths!

Becca: That's okay, baby. I'd like to shower with you.

Ben: Okay, are you _trying_ to cheat on me?!

Becca: … Maybe.

 ***A crazy man attaches electric clamps to Nick's nipples, and turns up the voltage.***

Nick: Oh… OH… OH, YEAH! OHHHH YEAAAHHH! ELECTROCUTE ME, YOU BITCH!

 _I think that Nick is a masochist._

Goblin: No shit, Sherlock.

Vader: I gotta say, I've met and fucked with some horny bitches in my time, but I've never seen anything like this shit.

Luke: I WANT IN ON THE ACTION!

Nick: OH, GOD! I… I THINK I'M ABOUT TO-

*Nick cums in his pants. It trickles down his leg, and gets on the floor.*

Everyone: EWWWWWW!

 _Okay, that's too fucking nasty! Even for me!_

 ***Guest rips off Ben's pants, revealing that he's wearing Becca's panties.***

Clementine: Nice ass, Ben.

Ben: Thanks? I guess?

Lee: I didn't know you were a 'white-undies' girl, Becca.

Becca: STOP LOOKING AT THEM, YOU PERVERT!

 _Author's Note: Glad to have the_ _story back! Thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	23. Chapter 23

_Chapter Twenty-Three_

 **What the... I coulda sworn that I wrote Lee into the panties! Darn. Guess I'll just have to-**

 ***Shoots Lee in the face with a plasma cannon.***

 **Do that!**

 ***Shoves Goblin.***

 **Outta my way, punk!**

Lee: FUCK! MY FACE!

Goblin: You bastard! You wanna shoot people in the face? I'll do the same thing!

*Goblin throws a pumpkin bomb at the guest's face.*

Goblin: Take that!

Lee: AHHH, SON OF A BITCH! MY FACE!

Goblin: Oh, shit! Hang on, Lee!

*He grabs Lee, and hops onto his glider.*

Goblin: To HCMC!

 **I'll be out of town until Tuesday. Whether or not I'll be able to post any new material is unknown, as of now. If I'm able to, I will! See ya'll, later!**

 _Sorry, Past Me, but you needed a break! And it's good to be back! I was mostly busy, but now, I'll post more!_

 ***Lee drags Kenny into the janitor's closet, and locks him in shackles.***

 **Kenny: So, you're finally gonna do something to me?**

 **Lee: Not me. Bill!**

 **Bill: Yeah?**

 **Lee: You like to yodel, right?**

 **Bill Yeah.**

 **Lee: Do it for Kenny!**

 **Kenny: WHAT?!**

 **Bill: Okay!**

 ***He goes into the closet and starts yodeling like Hell.***

 **Kenny: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT FUCKING STOP!**

 **Clementine: Hey, Lee, I've decided to learn how to play the bagpipes, and I need a place to practice.**

 ***Lee grins like a madman, and opens the janitor's closet. Clem walks in. Soon, the sounds of Clem's bagpipes and Bill's yodeling are drowned out by Kenny's screams.* Kenny:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Goblin: Oh, for Pete's sake!**

 **Spider-Man: Somebody call my name? Also, what is that sound?**

 **Goblin: That's Kenny, screaming about Bill's yodeling and Clementine's bagpipe skills!**

 **Spider-Man: Really?**

 **Goblin: Yes, really!**

 **Spider-Man: Wow, what a baby! Bagpipes are not that bad, Kenny!**

 **THREE HOURS LATER**

 ***Clementine and Bill leave the closet, laughing.***

 **Bill: I gotta admit, kid, you're a pro at those bagpipes!**

 **Clem: Thanks! And your yodeling isn't half bad. Wait a minute! We should start a band!**

 **Bill: Great idea! I know a guy who sells instruments, extremely cheap!**

 _Oooh, can I join?! I'm really good on the drums! Back in middle school, I played drums in the school band from the third grade until the eighth grade!_

Clem: Sure, you can join!

Bill: Whoa, whoa, whoa! This guy kicked my ass, once! Why should I let him join this band?

 _Because I have talent, a great pair of drums and drumsticks, and money. That, and I have contacts on my phone that will make you question just how many friends you actually have. And, I have worked with many popular characters in the span of nearly three months. What do you have? Oh, that's right! A criminal record! Your move, chief._

Bill: Dammit! You also have a good taste in movies and referencing them!

 _Thank you!_

Spider-Man: Can I join, also?

Bill: Well, what can you play?

Spider-Man: I'm a damn good piano player!

Clem: Ooh, I do like when people play pianos! You're in!

Darth Vader: I'll join, too.

Bill: Was that a question, or a demand?

Darth Vader: … A little bit of both.

 _Well, what can you play?_

*Vader takes out his lightsaber, converts it into an electric guitar, turns it on, which ignites the blade, and he starts playing the 'Imperial Theme', using the Force. Once he's done, everyone looks at him in awe.*

Bill: Okay, he's in.

Clementine: Absolutely.

 **Clementine) From now on, you shall be known as MUCHACHA!**

 **Clem: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

 **Kenny: Oh, get over it. At least you didn't have to be stuck in the Underworld, mind-controlled by a fucking uncontrollable force of nature!**

 ***Goblin is working on a strange machine.***

 **Lee: Whatcha working on, bro?**

 **Goblin: I'm working on a bomb to put in the bathroom when Spider-Man goes in there!**

 **Lee: Why?**

 **Goblin: To maim and or prank him! Either way, I get a good laugh!**

 **Lee: Alright, I'll help you set it up!**

 **FIVE MINUTES LATER**

 **Goblin: Okay, I set the bomb in place. Now, we wait.**

 ***Lee and Goblin hide behind the couch, and listen for Spider-Man.***

 **Spider-Man: Well, time to use the John.**

 ***He grabs a newspaper.***

 **Clementine: Mind if I go first?**

 **Goblin: O_O**

 **Spiderman: Sure! Ladies first.**

 **Clementine: Thanks!**

 ***She goes in.***

 **Lee: We're dead. We're really, really dead.**

 **KABOOM!**

 ***Clementine flies out of the bathroom, and crashes into a wall.***

 **Clementine: WHAT. WAS. THAT?!**

 **Spider-Man: Looks like the remains of a pumpkin bomb.**

 **Clementine: GOBLIN!**

 **Goblin: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!**

 ***Lee and Goblin take off running.***

 **Clementine: Get back here!**

 **Spider-Man: Before you chase after them, you should know that your pants are on fire.**

Clementine: OH, MY GOD! HELP! MY PANTS ARE ON FIRE!

Spider-Man: Take off your pants!

Clementine: WHAT?!

Spider-Man: Just trust me! I have a plan!

*Clementine pulls down her pants, and throws them off. Then, Spider-Man webs around her lower body, giving her a pair of 'Spidey-Whiteys'.*

Clementine: Thanks, Spider-Man! You saved me from complete and utter humiliation!

Random Teenager: Nice underwear! Say, wanna show me what's underneath them, later? My place? Midnight?

*Lee, without saying anything, pulls out his gun, and shoots the teenager in the head.*

Carley: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?!

Lee: Nobody makes sexual advances to my kid.

Carley: BUT SHE'S NOT EVEN YOUR KID! YOU JUST MURDERED A TEENAGER FOR MAKING ADVANCES TO A KID THAT ISN'T EVEN YOURS!

Lee: So?

 **Omid) Is it true that you used to be a woman?**

Omid: What?! No! Why would you assume that?

*Everyone looks at Omid in disbelief.*

Lee: Have you forgotten who you are?

Omid: No. Why do you ask?

 _Christa, why are you still with this guy?_

Christa: Because nobody else will be with him, and nobody else will be with me.  
 _That's even more depressing than my love life. Seriously, I still haven't had a girlfriend in all of my life!_

 _Author's Note: Sorry, I've been really busy as of late! I just got back from Wisconsin, I had to clean up my shithole of a room, which turned out to be a process that would take two days to get to the end, and... well, I guess you guys should know this: I had to shoot scenes for a movie. I'm going to have a starring role in a small budget movie made by my friend and mentor. Anyway, if you're wondering why I've been gone for a while, that's why! Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time!_


	24. Chapter 24

_Chapter Twenty-Four_

*001 walks back into the Interview room, relaxed from the trip he took to Duluth.*

 _Why is it dark in here?_

*001 turns on the light, and…*

?: SURPRISE!

*All of the casts from 001's fanfics are in the room. The room is decorated nicely.*

 _How did you guys… when did you you…_

Lee: We kinda, sorta looked at your calendar, and saw that your birthday was a while back. Also, it's been three months since you started working with us crazy bastards!

Clementine: So, we planned a party!

Thunderbird: And they invited all of us!

Negan: I had to take time off of my next fic for this, you know.

Everyone Else: Fuck you, Negan.

Robin: Anyway, we figured that, in honor of your birthday, as well as it being over three months since you started busting your ass off on these stories, we should give you a party!

 _Aw, thanks guys! You didn't need to do this for me!_

Everyone: Oh, he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, yes, he's a jolly good fellow!

*Everyone looks at Negan, who's the only one not singing. Then, Clementine goes over, and points a gun at him.*

Clementine: Sing with us, or I'll blow your stomach out of your ass.

*X-23 goes over to him, also.*

X-23: And I will rip your dick off.

Negan: OH, HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!

Everyone: And so say all of us!

*Everyone starts clapping.*

 _Thank you, guys. This means the world to me. And to my beautiful readers, who have stuck with me since the beginning, thank you!_

Everyone: FROM ALL OF US!

Thunderbird: I just have one question.

 _What is it?_

Thunderbird: Why haven't you updated our story yet?

 _Uhhhhhhhhhhh…_

*The characters from Thunderbird look at him weirdly.*

 _I think I have writer's block._

Thunderbird: That explains it.


	25. Chapter 25

_Chapter Twenty-Five_

 **Bill: Okay, we need a name for our band! I was thinking 'the Illuminati'.**

 **Clementine: Nope.**

 **Bill: Okay. What about 'Cipher and the Scumbags?**

 **Clementine: Not a snowball's chance in Egypt!**

 **Vader: How about Vader and the Muchachas?**

 ***Clementine holds up her hand, and closes her fist. Vader starts choking.***

 **Vader: Ack-so this is what-gah-this feels like-ack!**

 **Bill: How are you even doing that?! You're not Force sensitive! Wait… are you?**

"As a matter of fact, I am. I was trained by the old man from the last story. You just never knew." Clementine said, as she continued to choke Vader.

 _Holy shit! You need to go, now!_

"Why?" Clementine asked, clearly confused. She then let go of her grip on Vader's throat, who started clutching said throat.

 _You're strong with the Force, but you need training. You need to go to the mountains. You need to be trained by the Master, himself._

Clementine gasped. "He doesn't… he can't…" Bill said, stuttering. "You don't mean?"

 _Yes. You need to be trained by the Master Yoda. Go to Dagobah, and you shall find what you seek. He will teach you what you need to know._

"But, what about the band?" Spider-Man asked, a guitar in his hand. "Yeah, who will play the bagpipes, now?" Clementine cut in.

 _Don't worry. Kenny will play them. It'll count as being the final nail in the coffin for his punishment._ _But Clem, you have to leave now, and not take anything with you, except for yourself, and your belief in the Force._

Clementine sighed. "Okay, I'll leave now." As she turned to leave, she heard the voice of the Author.

 _Clementine! May the Force be with you. It will be with you… always._

And with that, Clementine left. To not be seen for… well, who the fuck knows? It could be years, for God's sakes.

 **OW! MY FACE! Why, you skinny green son of a!**

 ***The Guest shoots Goblin with a fusion cannon.***

 **Oh, and before I go…**

 ***Shoots Lee in the crotch.***

"Good thing I learned my lesson from the last story! Now, I always wear a crotch plate!" Lee said, triumphantly. The Goblin groaned in pain. Lee looked at him with horror and sympathy.

"Oh, shit! Hang on, Gobby! I'll get you to the hospital!" Then, Lee picked up the unconscious, bleeding Goblin, and started running. "TO HCMC!" He yelled, as he ran.

 **Bill) How does it feel to be back with the Scumbags?**

 **Alvin) Hades is coming back for your anime.**

 **Carley) Shut up, already! We're tired of listening to you complain! Heck, that's why I chose Doug over you in the game!**

"Well, it's nice to be back. Most of the people are pretty okay with me being around here, and even Clem has warmed up to me." Bill said, as he drank a soda.

"The Hell he is! I've barely nutted to those big tittied women at all, this month! In fact…" Alvin got off of his ass, grabbed a porno comic, as well as some lube, and went into the bathroom.

"Fuck you! I don't complain, that much! In fact, I've barely even gotten any spotlight in this story! So, how can you say that I've been complaining too much?!" Carley said, angrily.

 **Clementine, or do you go by Muchacha? Anyway, I have an idea for your band name… Muchacha!**

"It's not my problem. Take it up with the others, though I'm really certain they'll reject it. Also, if you do ask them, I'll rip your cock off and shove it up your new vagina. Anyway, I have a spaceship to steal." She said, before going to MistyxKisame's warehouse of props, which she used for the other stories.

 **Who here has seen the movie 'Spirited Away'?**

 _I wish I have. I really want to, however. There are a lot of movies I haven't seen that I really want to watch. The same goes for television, books, and video games._

 **I won't be back home until tomorrow. But, when I get back, I have a special chapter planned! See you all, then!**

 _Well, that took longer than expected, didn't it, Past Me?_

 _*_ _Out of nowhere, Lee is hit by a bolt of lighting.*_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lee screamed. "Eh. The bastard deserves it." Carley said, shrugging her shoulders, before she took a sip of her coffee.

 _Author's Note: I'm so happy that this story is at 99 reviews! I'm really happy that you guys keep reading! It just motivates me to keep on writing! Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! The Flying Hawaiian 001, signing off._


	26. Chapter 26

_Chapter Twenty-Six  
_ **Hahahaha! Negan was great! Who knew he could sing?!**

Negan: It's a natural talent.

 _Yeah, it-WAIT A FUCK. What are you still doing here?_

Negan: Uhhh….

 _And what is the cast of Thunderbird, Grayson, and Lego Batman: The Douche Knight still doing here?!_

Robin: Well, since we haven't had jobs in a while, our homes were foreclosed.

Thunderbird: So, we figured we could crash here!

 _Fine. There's another floor where you can all stay until I give you jobs. Also, you can only stay on two conditions: one, you all have to get normal jobs in the meantime._

Lee: For example, one of you lovely ladies can star in my porno movies! Especially you, Thunderbird.

Thunderbird: Excuse me?

 _Two, Negan has to sing._

Negan: WHAT?!

 _GO!_

Negan: Uh… uh…

 _SING!_

Negan: Fuck it, I got nothing.

 _Oh, come on. Surely, you've got something._

Negan: Uh, a little help, guys?

Lee: I've got something. It's mostly a song that gives me an excuse to talk about some TITTAYS! TITTAYS! TITTAYS!

Lee and Negan: AYSS, TITTIES. AYSS, AYSS, AND TITTIES! AYSS, TITTIES. AYSS, AYSS, AND TITTIES!

*Negan rips off his shirt, and throws it at Carley, who throws it away in disgust. Then, there's twerking. LOTS AND LOTS OF TWERKING.*  
THREE HOURS LATER

 _Well, I'm impressed. Everyone, go find a room. Also, how do you like your coffee in the morning? Black, or white? Also, why is Negan here again?_

Negan: I just like it, here.

 **Lee: Has anyone seen Carley?**

 **Bill: I saw her in my bed last night!**

 **Vader: You liar!**

 **Bill: I was talking about por-**

 **Kenny: Don't. Finish. That sentence.**

 **Lilly: I think Carley went to her room. Why?**

 **Lee: I need to borrow five bucks.**

 ***He goes to Carley's room.***

 **Lee: HOLY MOTHER OF EMMA WATSON!**

 ***Everyone runs in and sees Carley has been decapitated, her arms and legs cut off, and guts scattered around the room.***

 **Goblin: I'm gonna be sick!**

 ***Runs to the bathroom to puke.***

 **Lee: Carley, WHHHHHHHYYYYYYY!**

 **Becca: Who could have done this!?**

 **Vader: I think I know.**

 ***He turns to Kenny.***

 **Kenny: WHAT?!**

Lee: YOU! YOU KILLED MY GIRL! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

 _Whoa, whoa, whoa! We need solid proof that Kenny would kill Carley. I mean, what motivation does he have?_

Lee: Well, he… uh… he's… eh, I got nothing. But, I'm still gonna beat him up!

Kenny: WHAT?!

*Lee punches Kenny in the face, and then, he and Goblin grab his body, and drag him to the closet.*

 **Bill) I have an idea for your band's name! How does Muchacha sound?**

Bill: Say that one more time, and I will rip your dick off.

 ***Clem's spaceship lands on the swamps of Dagobah.***

 **Clementine: Man, this place smells like the Interviews' bathroom!**

 **Yoda: Smell like a bathroom, my home does not! Smell like a bathroom, you do!**

 **Clementine: Ahh!**

 ***Falls off of the ship and lands in swamp water.***

 **Yoda: Ehehehe!**

 **Clementine: I take it you're Yoda?**

 **Yoda: Indeed. Yoda, I am.**

 **Clementine: I have come to learn the ways of the Force. Will you teach me?**

 ***Yoda walks over and touches Clem's forehead.***

 **Yoda: Hmm.**

 **Clementine: What are you-**

 ***Yoda pinches Clem's nose.***

 **Clementine: OW!**

 **Yoda: Teach you, I cannot. Too much of a Scumbag, you are.**

 **Clementine: What?! But, I came all this way!**

 **Yoda: Teach you alone, I cannot. In order to be a perfect Force user, learn both ways, you should. The light.**

 **Darth Sideous: And the Dark.**

 **Clementine: Emperor Palpatine?! I thought you two were enemies!**

 **Palpatine: In my final moments, I saw the error of my ways, and found peace with myself and the Force. It was on Robot Chicken.**

Clementine: Is Robot Chicken even canon?

Darth Sideous: No, but it's funny. Anyway, that's beyond the point. So, are you in, or out?

Clementine: I'm in. Definitely.

Yoda: Then train you, we will. When you return to Earth…

*He hands Clementine something metallic, and shaped like a sword hilt. She presses a button on it, and ignites a blue-bladed lightsaber.*

Yoda: A Jedi-

Sideous: Or Sith-

Yoda and Sideous: A Force-user, you will be.

Clementine: Okay. Awesome. When do we start?

 **Everybody, RUN! It's a SHARKNADO!**

 _Sorry, I never saw the movie, I don't know what that is._

*A strange man steals everyone's porn and burns it, all the while laughing.*

Lee: MOTHERFUCKER! THAT PORN WAS RARE!

Bill: THAT PORN WAS OF CARLEY!

 **Lee: Okay, we know it wasn't Kenny who killed Carley.**

 **Kenny: I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T ME!**

 **Goblin: If it wasn't Captain Ugly, then who did it?**

 **Lee: Carley, believe it or not, had a lot of enemies. We need to do an investigation!**

 **Luke: Where do we start?**

 **Lee: I know a place! TO MCDONALD'S!**

 **Goblin: You're joking.**

 **Lee: No, I just need a Big Mac!**

Thunderbird: Oh, for crying out loud! IT WAS ME!

Lee, Goblin, Luke, and Kenny: WHAAAAAAA-

 _What the deuce?!_

Thunderbird: You haven't updated our story in two months! So, I decided to punish you!

 _By killing a minor supporting character at best?_

Thunderbird: Well… uh… yeah?

 _God, I wrote you horribly._

 _Author's Note: At the end of all of my chapters, I'm going to ask a question to my readers, just to get to know you guys a little more! So, for my first question: what are some of your favorite movies? Also, I've been thinking about making one big crossover story of all my stories, and having them be trapped in a mansion for a week. What do you think? Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! For now, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, and I'm going to play Dishonored 2!_


	27. Chapter 27

_Chapter Twenty-Seven_

 **That idea sounds cool. And one of my all time favorite movies is 'Despicable Me'!**

 _Thank you! I had the idea a while back, and I thought it'd be fun to write about! Also, I actually quite liked the original 'Despicable Me' when it first came out._

 **Ayy, fam! loving it! Also, Alvin is still the true Scumbag for ordering that Dominoes! Anyways, I really like this story.**

 _Thank you! Glad to know that you like it! Also, yes, Alvin is still a Scumbag, maybe even a bigger one than in the last story. I mean, come on, he dragged his 'friends' down to the literal Underworld to look for fucking anime porno comics._

Alvin: HEY! I'll have you know that those titties felt real to me!

Rebecca: I'm sure they did.

*Alvin smacks Rebecca up the head.*

Alvin: BITCH, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Thunderbird: What the Hell is wrong with you?!

 _What the fuck happened to you, Alvin?! You used to be one of the only fucking decent people of this lot. Now… just look at yourself!_

Alvin: Yeah, I have. AND I'M SEXY!

Rebecca: Keep telling yourself tha-

Alvin: SHUT UP!

*He smacks her again.*

 _Jeez, not even Negan beats his wives!_

Negan: THANK YOU!

 _You're still an asshole._

Negan: WHY?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!

 _You murdered Glenn and Abraham in cold blood._

Negan: Oh, right.

Rick: 'OH, RIGHT'?

Caesar: Just… just… go die, Negan.

 **Bill: Woohoo! I got us a gig at a nightclub!**

 **Spider-Man: Alright!**

 **Vader: We're gonna rock tonight! Kenny, if you screw up, I'll force choke your beard off!**

 **Lee: Mind if we come?**

 **Bill: Not at all! We need you guys to carry our instruments!**

 **Lee: Great-wait, what?!**

 ***Bill drops everyone's instruments on Lee.***

 **Lee: Ow.**

 _Oh, shit! Let's get him out of there!_

*001, Bill, Goblin, and even Spider-Man go over to instruments, and try to pull the instruments off of Lee.*

 _FUCK!_

Spider-Man: This is ridiculous! We can't get this off of him!

Bill: Nobody can!

Vader: Hold my beer. Gentleman, stand back.

*After 001, Bill, Goblin, and Spider-Man back away, Vader outstretches his hand, and uses the Force to lift the instruments off of Lee, and then setting them down safely on the ground.*

Lee: Owww…

Spider-Man: HE'S ALIVE!

Lee: No shit, Sherlock! Bill, why the fuck did you drop those on me?!

Bill: I thought you could carry them!

Lee, Goblin, Spider-Man, Vader, and 001: WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!

Bill: Dude, if you can take on an entire horde of walkers, possibly without an arm, then you damn well can carry those instruments!

 _What kind of logic is that?!_

Goblin: Stupid logic. That's what.

 ***X-23 walks up to Spider-Man.***

 **X-23: Excuse me. You're Spider-Man, right?**

 **Spider-Man: Indeed I am. Want an autograph?**

 **X-23: Nope!**

 ***She then kicks Spider-Man in the crotch.***

 **Spider-Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

 **Goblin: Ahahahahahahaha!**

 ***He falls over laughing.***

 **X-23: Well, that was fun! Who's up for Chinese?**

Goblin: I am!

 _Me, too!_

Spider-Man: Can I-ow-get some-ow-foo yung?

X-23: Hmm, let me think… NO!

Spider-Man: Oh… oww…

 **Sideous: We begin your first lesson. You must go deep into the swamp, and retrieve my lightsaber, as well as Yoda's cane. They are near the cave of the Dragon Snake.**

 **Yoda: Need your clothes, you will not.**

 **Clementine: Excuse me?!**

 **Sideous: You know how Kaa from The Jungle Book is depicted as a perverted snake that goes after women in fanart?**

 **Clementine: Yes?**

 **Sideous: Well, this snake is where that idea came from!**

 ***He uses the force to rip off Clem's pants, shirt, shoes, and socks, leaving her in her underwear.***

 **Yoda: Worry, not. Fine, you will be. Swim fastly, you must.**

 **Sideous: Fastly isn't-oh, never mind. The point is, in order for us to teach you, we need our stuff, and that stupid Dragon Snake can only be distracted by women! Once you get our stuff, we will be able to train you. Think of this journey as your first test!**

 **Clementine: This better be worth it!**

 ***Stalks off angrily into the swamp water.***

 **Sideous: Do you think we should have mentioned that this thing is the size of a bus?**

 **Yoda: No.**

Clementine: Okay, where is this thing?

Dragon Snake: Hi there, little girl.

Clementine: You do know that I'm fourteen, right?

Dragon Snake: Oh, it doesn't matter. Little girl, I have a question for you.

Clementine: Okay, you can ask me one. But, only if you stop calling me 'little girl'.

Dragon Snake: Little girl, why are you in your underwear and bra?

Clementine: None of your damn business, that's why!

Dragon Snake: Mmm, sassy. I love it. My next question is this: wanna have sssseeexxxx?

Clementine: Well… uh… no. I'm gonna say no.

Dragon Snake: Huh?!

Clementine: Oh, look! There's the stuff I was looking for!

*Clem grabs the cane and Lightsaber. Then, she starts swimming back.*

Clementine: See ya later, pervert. And stay away from my ass!

Dragon Snake: Well, fuck. It looks like I'm not getting any pussy, tonight.

 **Lee) Go home. You're drunk.**

Lee: What? No, I'm not. In fact, I haven't had a drink in a week!

 _Yeah, it's true. I monitor the amounts of alcohol we all drink. Surprisingly, Lee drinks less than most of the others._

Lilly: Who drinks the most?

 _Kenny._

Kenny: Wha? Oh, hi. Uh-er… the camera is purty.

*Kenny smiles like he's drunk.*

Lee: Why am I not surprised?

 **Hey, 001. Just so you know, I saw Spirited Away yesterday, and it is one of the best movies I have ever seen! I highly recommend it! If you ever manage to find it at a store or online, get it! Trust me, you will not be disappointed!**

 _Thank you for the recommendation! If I find it somewhere, I'll watch it! Trust me, with highly regarded movies, I'm rarely, if ever, disappointed… except when it's Interstellar. Fuck that movie. Also, since I was really lazy these past few days, I decided to watch a movie that I had been waiting to watch for a while: Michael Mann's Heat. I finished watching it last night, and I loved it! It was amazing! So, for all of you who haven't seen it yet, GO WATCH HEAT! It's amazing! An absolute masterpiece!_

 **Bill: Okay, guys. This is it!**

 **Ben: Why is this place called 'Queens of Africa'?**

 **Vader: Who cares? Let's play some music!**

 ***Everyone heads inside.***

 **Lee: Hey, can I get a drink over here?**

 **Shenzi: What the?! What are you guys doing at my business?!**

 **Bill: We're the band you hired and everyone else asked to come along.**

 **Shenzi: Great. Where's Carley? She better not cause any trouble.**

 **Lee: Carley's dead. She was killed last chapter.**

 **Shenzi: So what? She'll just come back as a ghost, anyway.**

 **Lee: 001 doesn't let anyone come back as a ghost. The only way to bring Carely back would be to go to the Underworld, and I'm not doing that shit again. So, she's dead for good.**

 **Shenzi: BANZAI, GET MY BOY 001 A DRINK! In fact, FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE! Also, Bill, since you didn't have a name down for your band, we chose the Scummy Dead. Hope ya like it!**

 **Vader: The Scummy Dead… I like it.**

Bill: I love it!

 _Thanks for the drink! I'm gonna need it, with school coming up tomorrow!_

*The band gets up on stage.*

Bill: We are the Scummy Dead, and we are here to make our music come out of your asses! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

*They start playing 'God Moving Over the Face of the Waters', by Moby.*

 **For some reason, they just started playing 'Bring Me To Life' on the radio. I don't know why, but they just did. For some reason, that's funny to me.**

 _I can't believe it's been a week since I posted that. Jeez, it makes me think about how fast time flies, and how much I dislike the 2003 Daredevil movie._

 **I just found out that there's a Telltale Batman game!**

 _Second season, or first?_

 _Author's Note: Sorry that this was so late! I was being lazy. But, now that I'm back, I feel it's only fair to tell you what one of my favorite movies is: would it surprise you to learn that one of my favorite movies of all time is 'The Prince of Egypt'? Anywho, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, and I'm out!_


	28. Chapter 28

_Chapter Twenty-Eight_

 **Wait a minute. Caesar. Caesar from Planet Of The Apes? Are you in this?**

Caesar: Yes. I'm working on 'Rebellion for the Planet of the Walking Dead' with the cast of 'The Walking Dead'.

 **Both. Do you know if the Second Season of Telltale Batman will get an app? The first one did.**

 _I don't know if it will. I do want to play it, though. It looks great._

 **I agree with Bill. Lee should have been able to carry those instruments. He must be getting soft!**

Lee: Fuck you! Do you not know how many instruments I had to carry?

Bill: Oh, come on. You didn't have to carry that many instruments.

Lee: I had to carry all of your instruments! Including, but not limited to, a guitar, a piano, drums, bagpipes, need I go on?

Bill:... You may have a point.

Lee: NO SHIT, I HAVE A POINT, YA DUMB BASTARD!

 **Bill: Thank you, Queens of Africa!**

 ***Throws the mic down.***

 **Shenzi: ZZZZZZZ...**

 **Bill: What the-? HEY!**

 **Shenzi: WHA-WHO DAT?! Oh, it's you.**

 **Bill: You fell asleep in the middle of our song?!**

 **Shenzi: Hey, music soothes the savage beasts! Besides, your friends fell asleep, too! That song is long as heck!**

 ***Lee is snoring. Ben and Becca are sleep-cuddling on a table, and Laura is on the floor, passed out.***

 **Laura: I am the Pizza queen…**

 ***She rolls over in her sleep.***

 **Bill: WAKE THE FUCK UP!**

Everyone: Ahhhhh!

Lee: I'm up!

Ben: WHA?

Laura: ROBOT, OH MY GOD!

*She kicks Spider-Man in the crotch, making him fall to the floor.*

Spider-Man: OW! Dammit! That hurts!

Clementine: Okay, I got your stuff!

*Throws lightsaber and cane on the ground.*

Sideous: Excellent! We shall begin your first lesson in lightsaber combat, now.

Clementine: Hold it. Where are my clothes?

Yoda: Burned them, I did. Make fire for smores, I did. Want one, do you not?

Clementine: What the Hell did you do that for?!

Palpatine: We were hungry. And, besides, you don't really need them.

Clementine: And why don't I need them?!

Yoda: Said so, we did. Now, lightsaber training, do you or do you not want?

Clementine (sigh): Fine.

Yoda: Then begin, we will. And soon, a Jedi you shall be.

Clementine: Finally.

X-23: Hey, Spidey!

*She kicks Spider-Man in the crotch.*

CRACK!

X-23: OWWWWWWWW!

Spiderman: Ha! Nice try, brat! I'm wearing adamantium underwear!

X-23: DADDY!

Spider-Man: Daddy? WHOA!

*Wolverine proceeds to beat the absolute snot out of Spidey.*

Lee: Should we do something?

Goblin: Yeah.

*He picks up his phone.*

Goblin: Hello, Dominoes? Do you deliver? You do? SWEET!

Spidey: Uh, guys?! A little help?!

Lee: Oh, sure! What do you want, Spidey?

Spidey: NOT THAT! Help me stop getting my ass kicked! Also, can you get some breadsticks?

Lee: Yes to the breadsticks-

Goblin: No to the help.

Spidey: Damn you!

Alvin, I dare you to punch your cheating ex-wife in the face!

Alvin: Okay!

*Is about to punch Rebecca when Goblin breaks his arm.*

Alvin: OW! MOTHERFUCKER!

Goblin: Never touch her again, or I will rip your testicles off that stick you call a horse, and ram it up your anal passage. I plan on doing that all in fifteen seconds.

 _Jeez, Goblin. Isn't that a little much?_

Goblin: Are you seriously defending an abuser, right now?

 _No. I'm just saying, what you plan on doing is a little extreme._

Goblin: What's so extreme about ripping his testicles off, shoving them up his anus, and doing it all in 15 seconds? Wait… you may have a point.

 _Am I the only sane person here?!_

Everyone: Yes.

*Lee sees a 100$ bill on the ground.*

Lee: Alright!

*As Lee picks up the dollar, he is run down by a herd of cattle followed by Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed.*

Shenzi: Get back here, lunch!

Ed: Hahahaha!

*Banzai steps on Lee's neck.*

 _Oh, my God! Lee, are you alright?!_

*Lee then looks up, trampled on, bruised, and in pain, and says…*

Lee: Ow.

*Then, his head drops to the floor.*

Clementine) Nice underwear! Let me guess: Victoria's secret?

Bill) How did your first gig go?

Lee) Don't panic but there's a cockroach on your shoulder.

*On Dagobah.*

Clementine: FUCK. YOU.

*Back on Earth.*

Bill: The gig would have gone great if THESE PEOPLE HADN'T FALLEN ASLEEP!

Kenny: Hey, you're the guy who chose the long ass song, man. That ain't our fault.

Lee: Why should I care if there's a cockroach on my shoulder? I just got trampled on, and that's what you think will set me off? Think of something better to do to me.

*Lee then thinks about what he just said, and his eyes widen.*

Lee: On second thought, don't think about that.

Lee) Great news! Your ex-wife died! She was killed by some crazy hillbillies!

 _Question: great news for Lee, or great news for you? Because I'm fairly certain that Lee will be-_

Lee: Thank God!

 _WHAT?_

Lee: About fucking time, if you ask me. Whoever those hillbillies were, and wherever they are now, I'd like to meet them, shake them by the hand, and personally thank them!

… _I, I have nothing. To each his own, I guess._

 _So, Clementine, how's your Force training going?_

Clementine: It's going good. I'm getting stronger and stronger, every day. The only downside is that I have to be trained by a guy who creeps on me.

Hey, Bill Cipher!

Bill: Yeah?

Smoke Weed!

*Turns on a fan at high speeds, and points it at Bill. Then, the guest empties a bucket of weed into the fan, blowing it into Bill's eye.*

Lee: Smoke weed, everyday!

Goblin: Damn right!

*He and Lee fist-bump.*

Bill: Blech! Get this stuff outta my fucking eye!

Lee: Should we, or shouldn't we?

Bill: AHHH! IT BURNS!

Goblin: Too late.

 **When are you going to update? It's been a long time.**

 _I know it has been. And, I'm sorry for that. So, I hope this makes up for that._

 _Author's Note: Hey, guys. If you're wondering where I've been, and why I haven't been updating as much, it's because I'm going through a lot of shit right now, what with school, grades, and my home-life. Don't even get me started on my social life, or lack, thereof. I hope that you guys will still tune in to read my stories, and I hope to update more often! As always, thank you for reading, please a review, and take care of yourselves! I'll see you next time._


	29. Chapter 29

_Chapter 29_

 **Welcome back 001 and don't worry about the wait take as long as you need to I hope things get easier for you. Now on to the questions!**

 **Caesar- You rocked in the last Planet of the Apes movie!**

 **Lee) Do you really want me to think of something worse to do to you? 'Cause I can!**

 **Spider-Man) Who is your greatest enemy?**

 _Thank you! I appreciate your understanding! Things have gotten much better with therapy and talking to other people. And now, I just can't wait for the holidays! You can bet that I'll be updating more often!_

Caesar: Why, thank you. I credit everything to Weta Digital for bringing me to life, and to Andy Serkis, who brought me even more to life!

Lee: Please, please don't.

Spider-Man: Guilt. Guilt is my greatest enemy.

Green Goblin: I thought I was your greatest enemy!

Kenny: Jealous, much?

 **Caesar! My ape! Have a flamethrower! (hands Caesar a flamethrower.)**

Caesar: Uh… thank you.

Rick: Sure would come in handy in our own story, huh?

Caesar: Oh, definitely.

 ***Guest shoves water hoses down Becca and Sarah's throats, and turns on the water until their pants bust open.***

Ben: Uh, guys? We can all see your-

Nick and Luke: VAGINERS!

Sarah: STOP LOOKING AT ME!

*Becca slaps Nick and Luke.*

Becca: PERVERTS!

Luke: OW!

Nick: Slap me again, you bitch! This time, on my ass!

Ben: FUCK YOU, NICK! HOW DARE YOU HIT ON MY WOMAN!

Nick: Your woman is a slut.

Lee: That sounds like something I'd say if I weren't so damn polite.

 **I now cast a spell that makes everyone lose interest in porn, except Alvin!**

Lee: Eh, whatever. I was getting bored of jerking off, anyway.

Nick: NOOOOOOO!

Luke: Fuck! I'm gonna miss watching guys ram their dicks into dogs anuses.

 _Uhhhh… what the fuck?_

Kenny: Well, now I can add that someone is into beastiality on our checklist.

 **Me: *Lights Lee's on fire.***

 **Bill: *Turns on the radio and 'Burn Baby, Burn' plays.**

Lee: Oh, gee. My pants are on fire. Hmm, how original. Is that all you got?

 _Lee, don't give them any-_

Lee: I've been turned into a woman, a horse, been dangled over a pit of walkers, left to die in space, kidnapped by creatures from another planet, and gone into dreams to kill people. I can handle anything, now. Whatever you bitches throw at me probably won't affect me, anymore.

 _Wow. Iron Jerkass Woobie, huh?_

Lee (In a Tommy Wiseau voice): That's me!

 ***Lee walks into the room dressed in a red dress, high heels, and a black wig.***

Kenny: What the fu-

Lee: I lost a bet with Darth Vader. That bet means I had to wear this in front of you guys.

*Lilly whistles.*

Carley: Not gonna lie, Lee. You look good.

*Nick and Luke look at one another.*

Together: Awkward.

 **Sideous: Okay, Clementine. We now move on to Force training.**

 **Clementine: Great. So, what do we do?**

 **Yoda: Hold heavy objects with the Force, you shall!**

 ***Drops a titanium safe, a Tie Fighter, and a bowling ball on top of Clementine.***

 **Sideous: Dude, I didn't say 'yes' to the Tie Fighter! That could crush her! And, more importantly, that was a gift from my Mother!**

Yoda: Oh. Sorry, I am.

*He lifts the TIE Fighter off of Clem, who's now bleeding and crushed.*

Clementine:... Ow.

Sideous: Well, now we have to let her heal!

Clementine: How long will that take?

Sideous: Well, with your injuries, about… 3 months?

Clementine: MOTHERFU-

 **Lee, terrible news! The cops are on to us! They know about the body!**

Lee: Fuck! Okay, wait for me downstairs!

*He runs into his room. When he comes out, he's dressed in his bounty hunter uniform, and has a sawed-off, 12-Gauge, Winchester 1887 shotgun blaster in his hands. The song 'Bad to the Bone' plays from out of nowhere, in the background.*

Lee: If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to take care of. By the way, this is my new outfit.

Kenny: Why, though?

Lee: I was getting sick of the regular-ass blue shirt and pants, and that jacket and jeans. And, on top of it, I was sick of being forced to wear dresses. Now, would any of you dare try to make me wear a dress while looking like this?

*He walks out of the room, as everyone stares at him, and he puts on a pair of sunglasses. Then, he's gone.*

X-23: Daddy, did he just rip off Terminator?

Logan: Yeah, he did. And he made it look cooler.

 **Alvin: (walks into a room) AHHHHHHH!**

 **(Everyone runs in and sees Goblin in bed with Rebecca)**

Nick: Who knew Goblin was into doggystyle?

Spider-Man: Dear God. I'm never gonna get Goblin's butt out of my mind.

Rebecca: GET THE FUCK OUT! ALL OF YOU!

 _No problemo. Nothing to see here, folks! Keep moving!_

*Everyone goes back to what they were doing, while the Goblin and Rebecca continue their lovemaking.*

 **?: Ahahahaha!**

 ***Demongo from Samurai Jack kicks the door in.***

 **Demongo: I, Demongo, have come to collect the souls of the greatest warriors!**

 ***Looks at everyone in the room.***

 **Demongo: Ya'll ain't worth Crap! Peace out!**

 ***He leaves.***

 _FIVE MINUTES LATER_

*Lee comes back in, blood on his body, and the shotgun in his hand.*

Lee: What'd I miss?

Kenny: A demon randomly burst in, and insulted us.

Lee: So, nothing new, huh?

 _Nope._

Lee: 'Kay.

*He grabs a carrot, and munches on it, all while sitting on the couch.*

 **Who here has heard of Bendy and the ink machine?**

 _Never heard of it._

 _Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to write! Hopefully, now that I have winter break coming up, I'll have more time to update the stories I'm working on, meaning this one, Rebellion for the Planet of the Walking Dead, which will mostly be published on a weekly basis, and The Guy In The All-Girl Acapella Group, which I hope you guys check out! Also, I have not yet seen Star Wars: The Last Jedi. So, as a huge Star Wars fan, please don't spoil it for me. Anywho, thank you all for reading, please leave more reviews, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, and I love writing for you guys!_

 _P.S, I have a special chapter planned involving Christmas. Keep on the lookout for that!_


	30. Chapter 30

_CHAPTER 30_

Christmas Special

Clementine: Hi, I'm Clementine. All of us here on 'Interviews and Misadventures of the Scumbags' would like to wish you a merry Christmas! Or happy Hanukkah, in the case that you're Jewish!

Luke: Aren't we supposed to be singing?

Darth Vader: Did someone say singing?!

Nick: Ass, titties, ayss, ayss, and titties!

Kenny: All of you, shut the fuck up! This is supposed to be serious!

Lee: Anyway, long story short, we have a musical number that we'd like to sing for you, with your kind indulgence!

Spider-Man: I heard that we could say dirty words in this song.

X-23: We can?

Lee: Sure can.

X-23 and Spider-Man: Hot damn!

 _Okay, okay guys. Let's get this show on the road! LP, since you're the new guy, would you start us off?_

LP: Sure, I'd be honored to! Ahem, ladies and gentlemen, the lush arrangements of Bing Crosby.

*White Christmas starts playing.*

LP: I'm dreaming of a white… Christmas… just like the ones I used to know… where the treetops glisten, and children listen…

NICK: To hear me on the rooftop, shooting after doing blow!

*All I Really Want For Christmas starts playing.*

LP: Oh, come on! I was in a mood!

 _Sorry, LP. Maybe next year. Anyway, what do you guys want for Christmas?_

Lee: Well, now that you ask…

LEE: Two new shotguns and a sword, so that I can chop up little whores. That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

LP: Now that's impractical.

LEE: Kenny's name I'd like to see, with the letters R-I-P, he's alive for now, but we can play by ear!

Kenny: What was that?!

LEE: All these happy wishes, and lots of Christmas cheer is all I really want this year!

 _Okay, good choices. Clem, what about you?_

CLEMENTINE: I want a trip to Hawaii, because there's things I'd like to see, that's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

 _That sounds terrific! How about some of the other guys?_

KENNY: I want a brand new fishing hat.

KATJAA: I want to shave some belly fat.

KENNY AND KATJAA: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

GOBLIN: Spider-Man I would like to see, drowned deep beneath the Seventh Sea! That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

BEN: I want some condoms for my goat.

BECCA: I want a brand new fur coat.

BEN AND BECCA: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

LARRY: De-aging serum would be nice.

LILLY: I want to get rid of my head lice!

LARRY AND LILLY: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

 _Anything else?_

DOUG: Carley naked and in my bed!  
CARLEY: A PLATE TO SMASH ON DOUG'S HEAD!

DOUG AND CARLEY: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

 _Now for the Cabin Group!_

NICK: French prostitutes who'll suck my dick!

SARAH: A knife so I can castrate Nick!

NICK AND SARAH: THAT'S ALL I REALLY WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, THIS YEAR!

REBECCA: Platinum plated underwear.

PETE: Just one day when the other casts don't stare.

REBECCA AND PETE: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

*The casts of the other fics are staring at Pete, because he has an eyepatch now, for some reason.*

Pete: Lee?

*Lee steps forward, takes out a Winchester Chiappa 1887, flip-cocks it, and aims it at Negan.*

Lee: Keep staring, and a bullet goes through this fucker's head.

Rick: EVERYONE, LOOK AWAY!

Negan: Nothing to see, folks! Nothing to see!

Lee: Now, back to the song.

CHRISTA: I want a trip to Paris, France.

OMID: I want a French babe to eat sushi off my ass!

CHRISTA AND OMID: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

Christa: Wait, what?

Omid: Forget it. Keep going.

Molly: I'm not singing.

 _But, Molly!_

Kenny: Fuck her, then! She don't need to sing!

 _Whatever, let's keep going._

CARLOS: I want a big-ass horn.

ALVIN: I want more tentacle porn.

CARLOS AND ALVIN: That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

Carlos: Wait, what?

Alvin: Don't pay any attention to me, keep going!

CARVER: I want a copy of 'The Room'.

REGGIE: I want somebody with whom I can spoon!

BONNIE: How many of you realized that I was here?!

CARVER, REGGIE, AND BONNIE: All these happy wishes, and lots of Christmas cheer is all I really want for Christmas, this year!

Clementine: Your turn, Jane. As if anyone actually gives a shit what you want.

JANE: I want a marriage on a cruise, and I want Troy to give back all my nudes! That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!

Troy: Not gonna happen, bitch. Payback for castrating me!

 _Your turn, Troy._

Troy: Oh, okay!

TROY: Uh, uh... well, I... I don't know... maybe a nice book, or a trip to the beach...

Clementine: Fuck this.

*She shoots him through the head.*

Carver: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Clementine: He was taking forever. Besides, now Jane can have her nudes back.

Jane: THANK YOU!

Clementine: Anyway, back to the song.

Lee: What about you, 001?

Clementine: Yeah, tell us what you want!

 _Every year, I've prayed and prayed, for a girl who'll get me laid. That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!_

Clementine: What does 'laid' mean?

Lee: You know how you always here sounds coming from my room every Friday night?

Clementine: Yeah?

Lee: That's what it means.

 _I'd love it if my chemistry teacher would not harass me, or I swear, I'll kick his ass! That's all I really want for Christmas, this year!_

*Now, everyone starts singing, and I mean EVERYONE, from every story I've written!*

 _COME ON, EVERYONE! Let's all sing!_

EVERYONE: ALL THESE HAPPY WISHES, AND LOTS OF CHRISTMAS CHEER IS ALL I REALLY WANT… THIIISSS… YEAAARRRRRR!

Joker: Well, that was fun! Who's up for Chinese?

Carley: I am!

Lee: Me, too! Wait, how is Carley here? She's dead!

Carley(?): Uh.. I...

 _Yeah, and how is Clementine here?! She's on Dagobah!_

*Then, 'Clementine' and 'Carley' stand next to one another, and rip off their faces, revealing that they're...

Everyone: TERMINATORS!?

Lee: Holy fuck!

 _EVERYBODY, RUN!_

*Everybody starts running, as the Terminators start shooting at everyone.*

 _Author's Note: Happy Holidays, my beautiful readers! I hope you're all spending time with your families, and having a good time! If you're wondering why this chapter was a Christmas special, well, I wanted to get into the holiday spirit in the best way possible: by posting a chapter getting all of us into the spirit of the holidays! Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001 wishing you a merry Christmas, or happy Hanukkah, depending on your religion!_


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

 **You know what, Lee? You're no fun to torment anymore. I'll just have to bug Clemen-**

 ***A large spaceship flies in and crashes down to Earth, smashing 001's limos, a hot tub, and then hits me.***

 **Okay, bad idea…**

 ***Faints.***

 ***Clementine is in bandages and crutches. She angrily limps out of the ship and glares at 001 and Vader.***

 **Clementine: I outta beat you both with my crutches!**

 **Vader: What did I-**

 **Clementine: I just spent two months dealing with two senile Force users that burnt my clothes, made me go through ridiculous quests, and dropped a TIE Fighter on top of me, and I only learned one stinking Force move!**

 **Luke: Which one?**

 ***Clementine uses Force lightning on Luke.***

 **Clementine: I'm going to go lay down, now. And you're paying for my hospital bills, Vader!**

 ***She limps away.***

 _Damn. That happened._

Darth Vader: Yeah, and now, I have to pay for her hospital bills! What the Hell?!

 _If it makes you feel any better, I'll chip in as well. It's the least we could do for her._

Lee: If that guy, or anyone else, bugs Clementine, I'm gonna take this here shotgun-

*Reveals his shotgun, and flip-cocks it.*

Lee: And shoot them through the head. Three times in a row.

 **Okay, now you ticked me off, Lee! X-23, I will pay you thirty bucks to kick Lee in the crotch with your foot claw!**

 **X-23: Throw in a cake and you have a deal.**

 ***A cake appears in front of her.***

 **X23: Alrighty then.**

 ***Claw shoots out of her shoe, and she kicks Lee in the crotch.***

 **CRACK!**

 **X23:OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!**

Lee: You think I didn't think you were gonna try doing that to me? I know your tricks, and I took a tip or two from Spider-Man. Only now, I'm wearing adamantium underwear. I had a feeling you'd try to kick me in the balls, you little shit.

*X-23 rubs her foot in pain.*

X-23: Wow. I guess I underestimated you. You're smarter than you act and look.

Lee: I'm learning from my mistakes.

X-23: Can you give a kid a hand?

*Lee outstretches his hand, and X-23 takes it. She then gets back on her feet.*

X-23: Thanks.

Lee: Don't mention it.

 **Bendy and the Ink Machine is a horror game series about a man going to an abandoned cartoon studio and being attacked by 'Bendy', a cartoon devil made of ink brought to life by dark magic. It's pretty popular.**

 **Spider-Man, I changed your phone's wallpaper to show Goblin's butt!**

 **Also to Luke…**

 **(I shove a rabid raccoon down his pants.)**

 _Oh, cool! That sounds awesome! I'll have to try it, some day!_

Spider-Man: Son of a…

Luke: AAAHHH! GET IT OUT OF MY PANTS!

 _Squirrels in my pants!_

Lee and Clementine: Squirrels! Squirrels!

Raccoon: Bitch, do I look like a fucking raccoon to you?!

 **Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for our annual cookie eating contest! Our contests are X-23, Lee, Kenny, Nick, Lilly, Becca, Sarah, Caesar, and Clementine, if she can make it. Whoever eats the most cookies will win a brand new RV, a lifetime supply of bacon, and a new vacation home in beautiful Alaska! Our judges are Goblin, 001, and SANTA CLAUS! A big thanks goes to Spider-Man and Bill for getting all the cookies here!**

 **(outside)**

 **Spider-Man: Don't tell Logan, but I put laxatives in X-23's batch.**

 **Bill: And I turned all the toilets in every bathroom invisible!**

 **Spider-Man: Why?**

 **Bill: I wanted to see what would happen.**

Clementine: I'm here! Did you really think I'd miss this party?

 _Alrighty then!_

Goblin: Ladies and gents…

Santa Claus: EAT UP!

*They start doing so.*

X-23: Oh, God. I need to… I need to use the shitter!

*She runs to the toilet.*

X-23: WHAT THE FUCK?! Where are the toilets!

Caesar: Ugh, these taste disgusting! I quit!

Sarah: I think I'm gonna be sick!

*She barfs. The sight of her barfing makes both Becca and Lily barf, also.*

Nick: Ugh, fucking nasty! I'm out!

 _It's all down to Lee, Clem, and Kenny!_

Kenny: Just… gotta… beat… fuck, I can't take this! I'm too full! It's all up to you, Clem!

*Clem and Lee keep eating. Both have eaten damn near the same amount of cookies, but while Clem is getting more and more full, Lee just keeps going down on the cookies like dogs with rabies. Then…*

Clem: HOW THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS?!

Lee: Simple: I didn't eat anything all day.

Clem: I… I can't do it, anymore. Lee, you win.

Lee: I… I won?

Kenny: LEE WON?

 _LEE WON!_

Lee: Woohoo! Alaska, here I come!

 ***A warrior wearing the bones of a dragon stalks into the room and snatches Lee's drink right out of his hands.***

 **Warrior: You smell of coward's blood!**

 ***She punches Lee in the face so hard it knocks half his teeth down his throat and his nose into his brain. She then gives Goblin a few gold pieces.***

 **Warrior: Keep the change.**

 ***She stalks out of the building.***

 **Goblin: Well, that happened.**

*Then, Lee walks into the room.*

 _?_

Lee: Oh, there's that dummy replica of me! Must have left it out! Wait, why is it on the floor? And why does its face look fucked up?

 _Uh, Lee, some warrior chick just came in here, snatched a drink from out of your dummy's hand, and slapped it so hard that half its teeth went down its throat, and its nose into its brain._

*Lee laughs.*

Lee: What a story, 001!

 **Jane) What was your sister like?**

 **Becca) How's your belly button doing since the time I pulled out your piercing?**

 **Goblin) How long have you and Rebecca been a thing?**

 **Lee: Wait what!?**

 ***He turns to Goblin.***

 **Lee: You and Rebecca?**

 **Goblin: Yep.**

Jane: She was fun, but childish. I miss her, every day.

Becca: Shut the fuck up… you're a fucking cunt… shut the fuck up… you're a stupid cunt, suck my dick. Shut the fuck up… stop being a fucking cunt. Shut the fuck up… nobody even wants you here.

Clementine: Wow, we've sunk so low that we're singing Filthy Frank music to entertain you people.

Lee: Wow. I'm just kinda surprised. I never would've seen you two, together. Still, congratulations!

Goblin: Thanks, man! You're the best!

 **Caesar, show us how you kill walkers.**

 ***The guest lets five walkers into the building.***

Lee: What the fuck?!  
Clementine: You fucking idiot! Why would you-

Caesar: Lee, give me your shotgun.

Lee: But, that's my-

*Caesar glares at him.*

Lee: Uh, you know what? Take it!  
*He throws the shotgun to Caesar.*

Caesar: Thank you.

*Caesar cocks it, and shoots one walker. He then flip cocks it, and fires two bullets each into two other walkers. Then, a fourth walker comes at him, ready to bite. He trips the walker, and shoots him directly in the head. Finally, he sneaks up behind the last walker, and shoots the final walker's brains out.*

Caesar: Here. Take the shotgun back, Lee. And, to the guest, pull a stunt like that again, and I won't be a showoff for you. I'm not an amusement park animal. And pull a stunt like that again, you'll see what I can do when you put my friends in danger.

*He walks off, throwing the shotgun to Lee.*

Lee: Remind me to never mess with him, ever.

 **I don't think I'm ever gonna understand the appeal of this series.**

 _You wanna know something? At first, I didn't either. Then, I realized what it was: it's the fact that you can basically do whatever you want with the format and characters. And that's what I saw in this series. That's why I continued writing this story, and took it over from MistyxKisame. But, still, I can see why you don't understand the appeal._

 **CARLEY!? WHAT THE HECK?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! Who brought her back here!?**

 _It was a Terminator, God knows how it got here._

 **To Cowman42, shut up! Nobody asked you anything, so make like Michael Jackson and BEAT IT! P.S. get a new username.**

 _He's just expressing his opinion. Also, I don't mind his nickname. It's kinda funny._

 **To all the women and girls here: IT'S RAINING MEN!**

Lilly: Hallelujah!

Christa: Whatever.

Becca: Most of us are in relationships, now.

Clementine: Not me! I'm single, and I love it!

Lee: Atta girl.

Bonnie: But, what about me? I'm not in a relationship.

Clementine: Eh, you're just unlucky.

 **Um, where did the Terminators come from?**

Sarah: The future.

 _What?_

Sarah: NOTHING. I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

 _Ummm… okay. Just promise me this won't give me a headache, later._

Sarah: I make no promises.

 _I was afraid you'd say that. And now, I'm worried._

 **Kenny: CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFUCKERS!**

 ***Drives a train over Lee and Goblin.***

 **Me and Kenny: (fist bump)**

Clementine: HOLY FUCK!

*She and the others go out to find Lee and Goblin, on the ground, dead.*

Lilly: Oh, my God!

Rebecca: Kenny, you son of a bitch!

Kenny: Oh, shit! I didn't mean to kill-

*Rebecca goes over, chokeholds Kenny and the guest, and smashes their teeth in.*

Kenny: AHHHHH!

Rebecca: SWALLOW IT, YA FUCK!

*She forces the teeth down their throats.*

Rebecca: Now, you two are gonna work towards bringing them back, or so help me, your penises will be replaced with vaginas by tomorrow morning! UNDERSTAND?

Kenny and Guest: Yes, ma'am.

 **THIS! IS! SPARTA!**

 ***Shoves a live lobster down X-23's pants.***

X-23: AHHH! Get it out! Get it out!

Clementine: With X-23's shenanigans, Lee and Goblin dead, Kenny and that one guest who pisses us all off, and Santa putting me on the naughty list, and me being too beaten the crap out of by my time on Dagobah, I swear to God, the season of Christmas gets less jolly every year.

 _You're Goddamn right, Clementine._

 _Author's Note: Happy_ _holidays_ _, everyone! I hope you're all spending it with family, and enjoying yourselves! I might not be able to post anything tomorrow, since I'll be spending time with my own family, but I will try to, and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! Merry Christmas to all my readers, or, in the case that you're Jewish, happy Hanukkah! Or, if you're neither, happy holidays! Anyway, thank you all for reading, please leave a review, and, as always, take care, and I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!_


	32. Chapter 32

Bring On The New Year!

11:45 P.M. There was an apartment building in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was in the middle of downtown, surrounded by big buildings, shopping centers, office buildings, nightclubs, and so much more.

But tonight, most people were home. It was a cold, chilly December's eve, this night in the city. But it wasn't just any night. It was a night for most people to be with their families, to celebrate 365 days past, and 365 days to come.

A night where most would be inside, watching live coverage of what was, in all honesty, an over-hyped event taking place in New York. A night to reflect on the good, bad, and ugly of the year, and a hopeful look toward the future for most.

It was New Years Eve. But, unfortunately, not everyone was celebrating.

In that apartment building, on the top floor, in a darkly lit room, someone sat. He typed away at his computer, writing some story or another.

He had no name. At least, not known to the people he worked with, or those who read his work. He had an alias, and he stuck with it. He called himself, as others came to know him as, the Flying Hawaiian 001.

001 sat at his desk, finishing typing one of the closing paragraphs to a chapter of his story. In the background, a song played out loud on a Beats Speaker.

 _And I heard as it were, the noise of thunder._

 _One of the four beasts saying, 'Come and see'._

 _And I saw._

 _And behold, a white horse._

As the voice of the late Johnny Cash stopped singing, the strum of a guitar started. The music soothed 001's ears. He knew it like the back of his hand, by this point, for he had listened to it so often.

 _There's a man going 'round, taking names._

 _And he decides who to free and who to blame._

 _Everybody won't be treated all the same._

 _There'll be a golden ladder reaching down…_

 _When the man comes around._

 _The hairs on your arm will stand up_

 _At the terror in each sip, and in each sup._

 _Will you partake in that last offered cup?_

 _Or disappear into the potter's ground?_

 _When the man comes around…_

 _Hear the trumpets, hear the pipers!_

 _100 million angels singing…_

 _Multitudes are marching to the thick, kettled ground._

 _Voices call and voices crying._

 _Some are born, and some are dying._

 _It's alpha and omega's kingdom come._

 _And the whirlwind is in the thorn trees._

At that moment, 001 heard a knock at the door. He sighed, and quickly finished typing. "I'll be right there!" He said, before he closed his laptop, and turned off the song.

001 hurried to the door, and unlocked it. When he saw who was on the other side, his sad expression turned to a small smile. "Oh. Hi." The person he was talking to was Lee Everett, one of the stars of 001's stories, dressed in a tuxedo.

"Hey, man. I, uh, heard you were alone down here." Lee said, to which 001 shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, yeah! It's nothing, Lee. Don't worry about me."

Lee shook his head. "You shouldn't be alone, 001. What are you even doing down here?" He asked. "Just working on a few stories. I… I feel like I haven't been as active as I used to be." The author said.

"Why do you feel like that?" Lee asked yet another question, as 001 looked down at the ground. "Well… it's just that… I've been busy. Once summer ended, and school started, I had less and less time to write stories. And I feel that, now that I have the time, I should write as much as possible." 001 explained himself.

Lee nodded his head in understanding. "I get it. I can understand why you're busy, lately. But, I mean, you can't spend New Years Eve by yourself. Come on, man. I want to show you something on the rooftop." He said, before 001 shook his head.

"No… no thank you, I have a lot of writing to-" 001 began, trying to justify his being alone, only to be interrupted by Lee. "No, you're coming up! I have something to show you."

001 sighed, knowing that this was an argument that he would never win. So, he got on his coat, and walked out the door. He then locked it, and followed Lee to the elevator.

The two friends got into the elevator, and Lee pushed a button that said 'Rooftop'. Then, the doors closed, and the elevator slowly ascended to the rooftop. "Look, Lee, I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but…"

Just as 001 was about to finish his sentence, the doors to the elevator opened, and what he saw astounded him. All the characters from all the stories he'd ever worked, standing on the rooftop, cheering.

The sheer sight of it made him more happy than he had been in a long while. All of them, all dressed in tuxedos and dresses, all of the folks he had worked with on his stories, whether the stories were finished or unfinished, cheered.

"Well, what are you waiting for, man? Walk on over. We've been expecting you." Lee encouraged, as 001 smiled at the man. Then, the young author walked through a path, cleared towards something truly beautiful: fireworks.

001 smiled, as he walked up the steps leading him to the fireworks. Then, once he reached the point where he was close to them, he breathed in, and turned around.

He saw all their faces. Smiling, happy, impatient. He could feel their excitement in the air. Then, Clementine, another one of the people that he had worked with, asked, "Well? Aren't you gonna say something?"

Smiling, 001 cleared his throat, and said, "Ladies and gentleman, I want to thank you all for working with me. When I started doing this all the way back in May, I never would have thought that I'd still be writing. That I'd lose I want to thank you all for being with me through the tough times I've been having lately, and for keeping me motivated to keep writing. And when I say 'thank you', I'm talking to you, my beautiful audience! You have truly helped me keep going! You have all inspired me! You have all given me faith that I can keep doing this for as long as I want! And I just want to say… thank you! From me, and, everyone, won't you join in?!"

Then, everyone said, joyously and triumphantly, "From all of us! Thank you!"

Lee walked up to 001, and handed him a remote. "Press that button, and the fireworks go off. It's gonna be a beautiful start to the year, 001. And we want you to start us off on the right foot."

001 grinned from ear to ear, and took the remote. Then, he and Lee backed away from the fireworks, as 001 breathed in. "Hey, we've got twenty seconds, left!" Someone in the crowd yelled.

Lee smiled, looking at 001, who smiled back. "Are you ready?!" He yelled.

 _10!_

 _9!_

 _8!_

 _7!_

 _6!_

 _5!_

 _4!_

 _3!_

 _2!_

 _1!_

Then, as 001 pressed the button, they all collectively yelled into the sky, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

It was glorious. The fireworks shot up into the sky, illuminating the city with a brilliant light that shined all across town. And then, everyone was hugging and cheering and kissing each other. They were all happy. Happy to start over, again. Happy to have each other.

And 001? 001 was overjoyed. Overjoyed that he'd have a chance to better himself. Better himself and his writing, his time balance, everything. Because with every new year is the chance to right the wrongs of the past.

 _Author's Note: Happy New Year, everyone! I wanted to write this as the last thing I published in 2017 because I wanted to take the time to reflect on how far I feel I've come since I first started on this site. And I truly do thank each and every one of you for keeping me going! Anyway, thank you all for sticking with me, and truly do take care of yourselves! All of you! Until 2018, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, wishing you all a Happy New Year!_


	33. Chapter 33

_Chapter Thirty-Three: Back in Business_

 **OH COME ON! Seriously, what happened to you people?! You used to be invincible now a freaking train can kill you! DEMONGO!**

 **Demongo: Yes, my master?**

 **You have Goblin and Lee's essences, right?**

 **Demongo: Yes.**

 **Revive them.**

 **Demongo: What?! No fair! I took their essences, fair and square!**

 **Just DO IT!**

 **Demongo: I'll only do it if Clementine does a belly dance routine for me!**

 **Clementine: What!?**

 ***Bill is drinking a bottle of wine.***

 **Bill: And you people thought I was a perv.**

 **Demongo: Either she dances, or I keep those dumbasses' souls. Your choice.**

Then, Clementine calmly grabbed a shotgun, the same one that Lee has, loads it, flip-cocks it, and shoots twelve bullets at Demongo's head.

With each round, Demongo's screams get stronger. Eventually, the shotgun can shoot no more, and he is on the ground. "Ah… ah… owwww!" He yells.

"Give me the souls." Clementine bluntly commanded, aiming the shotgun at his head. "Ugh, fine!" He yelled, giving her back the souls, and regenerating the two men right before her eyes. For some reason, they were wearing battle armor, and screaming like chimpanzees.

"ARGH-Wait a fuck.. We're back?" Lee exasperatedly questioned, as he looked around the room.

 _Um… yeah. Welcome back. Quick question: what the Hell are you doing in battle armor?_

"Long story. One that involves the underworld, gladiator-style fights, and Filthy Frank." Goblin explained, as he and Lee sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Kenny.

"Oh hey, you piece of shit. Thanks for killing us." Lee sarcastically thanked the man. "Normally, we'd try to kill you, but… we're too damn tired."

 **Me: (Claps) Well done Ceaser you truly are good at killing zombies. I guess I owe Koba a crate of bananas. See ya next time and remember reality is an illusion Bill Cipher is a Dorito! Buy coffee! Bye! (bursts into flames and vanishes)**

 **Bill: WHAT DID HE JUST CALL ME!?**

 _He called you a Dorito, and said that reality is an illusion. Saying shit like that is the reason I don't want to watch Inception._

 **I'm curious which version of X-23 is this? Is this the one from Logan, the comics, or the TV show?**

 **Also, to Clem, glad you're back and here!**

 ***Heals Clementine.***

 **Now you won't have to wait for months to get better! By the way, what happened to Yoda and Sideous after they dropped that TIE Fighter on you?**

 _This is technically the version of X-23 from my Teen Titans/Logan crossover, but, yeah, this is the X-23 from Logan._

Clementine: Thank you. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm happy to be back, too. And, about those two, while Yoda left for some reason, I dealt with Lord Sideous and, well, he won't be walking for a while.

Lee: Wow.

 **So, X-23, did you ever find a toilet?**

X-23: No, I didn't. I shit myself, and puked my guts out afterwards. Now, I feel like crap, literally, and haven't been moving much because the Doctor said so.

Logan: If I ever find the bastard who made that happen, I'm gonna gut them.

*Spider-Man gulps.*

 **This chapter was a barrel full of laughs! Hey X-23, how's the lobster?!**

 _Glad you liked it! I had fun writing it!_

*Laura flips the reviewer off.*

Laura: It's dead. I stabbed it with my foot claws. Then, I cooked it over a fire, and will now force feed it to you.

 **Are we allowed to do scenarios here or only questions?**

 _Both! I'm okay with anyone doing either! Personally, I'd love it if we had a few more questions, but I like writing out the scenarios!_

 **Merry Christmas, 001! Here's a gift for you!**

 ***Gives you a xenomorph egg.***

 **Use it wisely.**

 **Clementine) dragon, cow or hippo? Which do you pick?**

 _Thank you! Merry late Christmas! I appreciate the egg! I have a few people that I hate who I'm gonna use it on!_

Clementine: Dragon, so I can burn people that I hate, and send them to Hell quicker. For example, Lord Sideous.

 **You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead your next stop, the Twilight Zone!**

 _I saw an episode of The Twilight Zone in English Class last year, just around the time that I was starting up my Fanfiction career! I loved it! Also, great comparison!_

Clementine: I saw a few episodes. Well made, but not my taste.

Lee: I watched it when I was a teenager. Good times, good times.

 **Hey everyone, if this fanfic was a movie what do you think the soundtrack would be? I am positive that Good Feeling by Flo Rida would be in there somewhere.**

 _Oh, that song would definitely be in here. It's actually a pretty good song._

Lee: Oh, sometimes… I get a good feeling… yeah.

Clementine: I get a feeling that I never, ever, ever had been born! No, no. I get a good feeling, yeah.

 ***An explosion is heard, and Heath Ledger's Joker, Scarecrow and Venom enter the room.***

 **Venom: Surprise, bitch! We're taking over this fanfic!**

 **Scarecrow: Damn right!**

 ***He sprays X-23 with fear gas.***

 **X23: Ahhh!**

 ***Her claws shoot out and she charges in a panicked frenzy.***

 **Scarecrow: Okay bad idea. Run!**

 **Joker: You idiot!**

 _Heath Ledger's Joker?! Wait! Sir! I'm a big fan of your work! Could you at least sign my copy of The Dark Knight? No? To Hell with you, then._

 **I now steal everyone's shoes and socks!**

 _HEY! Those shoes are brand new! And my Dad bought me those socks!_

"You piece of rat shit! Give me my socks back!" Kenny yelled, grabbing Lee's shotgun, and going after the guest. "Whoa, Kenny just went full redneck." Larry joked, but nobody laughed. Then, Carlos looked at him, and said, "That's racist."

 **Hey 001, on my review with the Joker where it says Mark Hamill, could you put Dark Knight Joker instead? I accidentally put Mark Hamill by mistake.**

 _You got it! Though, I must say, your taste in Joker's is impeccable! My personal favorite is, in all honesty, Hamill._

 **Hey, whatever happened to Gill?**

"Ah, shit! We left him in France back in Interviews of the Scumbags: Season Three!" Larry yelled. "Fuck! Now, we have to go on a long, convoluted journey to France that will inevitably have a bunch of bumps in the road!" Lilly exclaimed.

Lee sighed, and relaxed his brow. "I'm not too worried, in all honesty. After what Goblin and I went through during our time in Hell, I think I can handle anything."

Goblin raised his hand. "Oh, me too, man."

 **Nick I dare you to shave Caesar while he's sleeping!**

 **Nick: Okay. (goes to do just that)**

 **X23: This is gonna be good someone get my camera!**

Nick crept up to the door of Caesar, a razor in his hand. He cautiously opened the door, and walked in quietly, so as to not wake-

"What the fuck? There's nobody in here!" He yelled when he realized that Caesar was not sleeping on the grassy floor. Then, he heard a shotgun cock from behind him, and he slowly turned around to see none other than the ape leader, wielding said shotgun.

"Don't even think about it." He bluntly demanded.

 **Kenny, as punishment for murdering Lee and Goblin, I sentence you to clean all of the bathrooms here! WITH A TOOTHBRUSH! And you have to do it dressed in Lady Gaga's meat dress!**

The fisherman sighed, allowing his shoulders to droop. "Alright. Let's get this over with." Then, he stripped out of his clothing… in front of everyone. Even removing his underwear.

"EWWWWWW!" Lilly, Becca, and Carl exclaimed, averting their eyes from his naked body. "Oh, shut up! I look better naked than all three of you do!" He yelled. "Pretty sure that's not what Ben said when he came on-"

Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, Lee grabbed Becca's lips, stretched them out, as if they ran on Roger Rabbit logic, and whispered in her ear, "Nobody wants to know about your fucking crazy sex acts."

Finally, Kenny got on the dress. He grabbed the toothbrush, and went into the first bathroom. "Well… here goes nothing. I mean how bad could it be?"

 _ **ONE HOUR LATER**_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Came a shrill, Floridan voice from the bathroom.

"Ah… music to my ears." Goblin said, as he dipped a shrimp from his cocktail in sauce, taking a long, prolonged bite out of it.

 **Yo Becca I found your theme song. S &M by Rihanna!**

Becca squealed with delight. "I love that song! Come on, Benny! Sing it with me!" She pleaded, looking with big deer eyes, 'Bambi Eyes' as 001 liked to call them, at Ben.

"No thanks. I'm good." He replied, looking away from the girl. Determined to get what she wanted, she grabbed him by the shoulders, standing up straight, with a seductive smile on her face.

Now wide-eyed himself, Ben gave the girl his undivided attention. Then, she got on top of the eighteen year old, and placed her ass on his slowly bulging erection. "Sing with me, and I'll grind on you."

Ben: Na na na, come on!

Becca: Mmm hmm.

Ben: Na na na, come on!

Becca: 'Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it-

Ben: Sex in the air, I don't care! I love the smell of it!

"This is disgusting." Rick complained, his right hand pinching the bridge of his nose. "Eh, they're young, they're dumb, and they like sadism and masochism. Who are we to judge?" Negan reasoned. "You humans never cease to make me feel awkward and uncomfortable." Caesar said, not looking up from his cell phone.

 _You know, this reminds me, LP McDaniel and the rest of the cast of The Guy In The All-Girl Acapella Group are here! What do you guys think of their singing?_

LP and the others looked at each other, before turning their heads to face the main man. "I give 'em a six." He shrugged his shoulders. "Four out of ten." Beca continued the streak. "Ah, come on. You're being too harsh! I say at least a seven point five." Chloe said.

 _And you people wonder why there are some days where I think Chloe is too nice…_

"What was that?" LP asked. (If you haven't read The Guy In The All-Girl Acapella Group, which is my favorite story that I've written thus far, you'll know why LP asks this question.)

 _OLIVE JUICE!_

 **What does this thing do? (Presses button and a robot hand rips Clementine's pants off) I like this thing. Hang on. (Uses the robot hand to give X-23 a wedgie revealing Spider-Man panties) Hahaha I called it!**

 **Spider-Man: Care to explain those?**

 **X-23: (Blushing) For your information I had these long before I knew you!**

 _Goddamn, what is it with people trying to see others' underwear? This is fucking weird! Please, stop!_

"If Filthy Frank were with us, what would he say?" Goblin asked. "He'd probably say, 'IT'S TIME TO STOP'. Maybe once, maybe twice." Lee suggested.

 _Knowing Frank, that sounds like it's exactly what he would say._

 **You should do a chapter where everyone switches bodies with someone else for a day. That'd be really cool in my opinion!**

 _Thank you for the idea! That actually would be really interesting to see! I'll keep it in mind!_

"Oh, God. That brings back memories of the time where we all turned into the opposite gender." Luke remembered, shuddering at the memory.

"Or the time where we all turned into horses." Lee shuddered himself, remembering how small his… member was when he was a horse.

"Or when we all turned into Legos." Clementine added in, earning her looks from everyone. "What? Am I the only one who remembers that?" She rambled on, as everyone looked at her as if she were crazy.

"Question: just how crazy were things before we came here?" Robin asked. "Yeah, I want to know that, too! Because it sounds like you folks have been through some fucked up stuff." Beca added in.

 _Oh, you guys have no idea. I can think of so many insane things that happened before I took in the Scumbags! Trust me, all of the crazy shit you've seen is nothing compared to what I've seen._

 **I'm new to your reviews so here goes:**

 **Did you play Season 3 of The Walking Dead? If so, how did you like it, because I love it, especially Javier.**

 **If Lee stayed alive at the end of Season 1 and considering Javier was kind to Clementine, how would they interact with each other?**

 **Don't worry Javier I got your back, so Lee you better say something nice about Javier or else (having walkers on chains, a bazooka, a tank, and a airplane that shoots missiles with a press of a button on a remote.)**

 _First of all, welcome! Second of all, I have not played it yet, but I plan to! If Lee did stay alive, and based on the footage I've seen of TWD: Season Three, they'd probably be quite the pair of partners!_

Javier: I hope so. I'm done with being shit on.

"Dude, I've been to Hell. And fought in a gladiator match. Three times. And caused a prison riot with two people that are cancer personified. Don't bitch to me about being shit on." Lee snarled at the man, as he took a shot of some cheap whiskey.

"Remind me to never get on his bad side." Negan whispered, nudging LP. "Sure…"

 **Look out the ball's coming down! (Suddenly the New Year ball crashes down on top of everyone)**

 _Well… fuck. At least we're all together, right? I mean, except for Carley, Sarah, and Duck._

"So… anyone up for singing until we get out?" One random idiot suggested. "What? NO! That's a stupid idea! Why would you suggest that? In fact, who the Hell are you?!" Clementine yelled.

Soon, everybody, save for Lee, was yelling at one another. And the more they yelled, the angrier Lee got until, finally, something inside him snapped.

"EVERYONE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He yelled, getting everyone's attention. "Now, I have been through too much bullshit to have to deal with this pointless arguing! I did not fight my way through hordes of skeletons for this! Now, on three, all of us are gonna push this piece of shit ball off of our bodies. GOT IT?!" He demanded, to which everybody nodded their heads in fear.

"Now, on three!" Lee yelled, as he and the others squirmed onto their backs, and pressed against the heavy ball. "ONE. TWO. THREE!" They yelled, straining and cringing as they all pushed it off of them. And, within thirty seconds, with all their strength combined, they pushed the ball off of them.

Panting and sweating, the crew slowly got up. The last person to get up was Lee, who looked tired. He looked tired, and defeated. But, most importantly, he was alive. His legs hurt like shit, but he was alive.

Then, he noticed that everybody looked at him, astonishment clear from their wide eyes and open mouths. "What?"

And the next thing he knew, they all cheered. For him. For his encouragement. And he smiled. "Thank you. Thank you." He said, as he shook the hands of many grateful folks.

 _Wow, Lee. You saved us._

The man shrugged his shoulders. "All it takes is a little toughness, and people will listen to you. That's Lesson Number One from Hell."

 **(A safe falls on Lee's foot)**

"Oh, gee. More pain. Hmm, yippie." Lee said, his attention entirely on his phone.

Clementine, Caesar, X-23, and Beca) WHO WANTS COOKIES!? (holds out a plate of cookies)

Also here 001. (Throws you a potion) That will revive Lee and Goblin.

Clementine: Gee, thanks!

Caesar: No, thank you. I prefer fish.

X-23: Can I use these to make cereal?

 _Um… sure._

X-23: AWESOME!

Beca: Thanks, but no. I'm on a diet. Gotta get in shape for Thunderbird: Guardian Angel.

 _CHAPTER FOUR IS COMING SOON! BE PATIENT!_

Omid: (walks into the room and rips his pants off revealing a thong)

Clementine: My eyes!

Omid: Oopa gangdum style! (rips his shirt off and starts dancing)

Nick: Go Omid! XD

Lilly: (throws money to Omid)

Omid: I AM THE CHAMPION! (does the splits) Oh!

Everyone: (winces)

"YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Negan yelled, ripping off his clothes, as he started dancing. "Oh, Jesus! Put some clothes on!" Lee protested.

"Screw it. I need some action." Kenny gave in, tearing off ALL of his clothes. "I'm with you." Larry said, as he took off his clothes. Soon everyone, except for Lee, was not wearing clothes. Most wore underwear, save for Kenny and Nick, and just stood in a circle surrounding Lee.

"Well, is this what you wanted? To be a bunch of jackasses, standing in a circle?" Lee sarcastically asked. "Actually, now that I'm actually doing it, I quite enjoy being in my underwear, believe it or not. LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!" LP exclaimed, as others nodded and cheered in ascent.

Lee pinched the bridge of his nose, and shook his head. "I'm surrounded by idiots." He said, as the others danced to the song 'I'm Sexy and I Know It'.

 **LEE! You never told me you could play the banjo!**

"I didn't? Huh. I thought most people knew that about me. Guess not." Lee shrugged his shoulders.

 **Hey 001 I just discovered an original Walking Dead song here's a link copy and paste it in your search bar!**

 **watch?vf5VfMSVvmBk**

 _Awesome! I'll watch it later, when I'm not trying to sleep._

 **Is this still going?**

 _Oh, yeah. It's back, baby. And it's weirder than ever._

 _Author's Note: So sorry for the delay! I've been busy with school and writing three other stories, but I hope to update more of this crazy story in the future! Also, just a side-note, I fully intend on turning Lee and Goblin's time in Hell into a short story! Anywho, thank you all for reading! Please leave a review if you're feeling generous. And, as always, do take care, and I'll see you next time! Until then, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, saying goodnight!_


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34: No More Mr. Nice Guy

 **Who here has heard of Jeff the killer and the Rake?**

"Not I." Clementine said, taking a sip from a martini glass. "Me, neither." Kenny added in, as he swept the ground in the maid outfit he had been forced to wear.

"Do I look like I know about that kind of shit? In fact, what the fuck is the point of asking these questions if none of us know the answer to 'em?!" Lee growled, his voice sounding much more guttural than before.

"Jesus, Lee! Simmer down! The guest was just asking a question!" Omid tried to reason with the former professor. "And what the Hell happened to your voice? You sound like a dying horse!" Lily half-jokingly asked, earning her a glare from Lee that sent shivers down her spine.

"In case you haven't noticed, you insensitive bitch, I have Laryngitis. And I can't go to the Doctor or a drugstore because one of you clown fucks took my Goddamn money! So that's why my voice sounds like shit." Lee angrily told her off.

"Well, don't take it out on me!" Lily protested. "Can you blame him?" Kenny muttered, thinking that she couldn't hear him. She did. And she threw a Skittle into his ass crack when he bent over.

 **Hi again, 001.**

 **I got a question/request for Clementine and Lee.**

 **I would love to see a parody song of 'Call Me Maybe' by Carly Rae Jepson, but is based off of Clementine and Lee's father and daughter relationship. And while I know you guys aren't related, you could have Logan with X-23, Rick with his son Carl, and Larry with Lilly watching them sing.**

 _Hi, Danielle! I'd love to write that into a later chapter! It'd be absolutely amazing to see these two reflect on their relationship, and how far Clem has came both because of and without Lee! And I love the idea of the parents and their kids watching! In fact, why don't we get other Dads and their kids to watch, too?_

"Maybe. I like a good song just as much as anyone else, but I'm more of a country guy." Rick said, much to Carl's confusion. "Dad, the last country song you listened to was that 'Love Story' song by Taylor Swift." Carl responded.

"What can I say? I like what I like." The former sheriff's deputy lazily replied, relaxing his brow.

"I'd probably be too busy to watch that. Besides, it sounds kinda lame." Logan admitted. "That's what I said!" Beca yelled across the room at him. "And look where it got you, you beautiful, asexual weirdo." LP joked.

Unfortunately, no one was amused. "Come on. I was trying to make a joke. Besides, if Logan and Laura aren't gonna do it, why don't me and my Dad do it? Hey, Dad! Dad!" LP called out.

Right on cue, Thomas McDaniel, who bore an eerie resemblance to Rick, popped his head out of the doorway leading into the hall, and replied, in a voice that made him sound kinda high, "Yello?"

"Yeah, uh, Lee and Clementine are gonna put on a show dedicated to Dads and their kids. You wanna watch it?" LP asked. "Will there be beer?" Thomas responded with a question of his own. "Absolutely not." "Not interested."

"If there's one thing I'm proud of anymore, it's Clementine. She's all I have left in this world." Lee said in between coughing repeatedly. "Thanks, Lee. You're not so much of an asshole yourself, either!"

Lee: *Poker Face.*

 **Lee: Hey Nick, Caesar, we're all going to Denny's. Wanna come?**

 **Nick: No thanks. I'm gonna stay here and get drunk.**

 **Ceaser: I would come but I'm busy cleaning my flamethrower. Bring me back something.**

 **Lee: Alright.**

 ***Later***

 **Lee: What the fuck?!**

 ***The entire building is burned down and Caesar and a drunk Nick are fighting over the flamethrower.***

 **Ceaser: Give it to me, you idiot!**

"NO! I wanna play with fire!" Nick childishly yelled in a stereotypical hick voice. "Let… go!" Caesar grunted.

Then, Lee came over, grabbed the flamethrower from both the ape and the hillybilly's grasps, and aimed it at Nick.

"Oh, come on, Lee. I know you're not really gonna-", Nick started, but before he could finish his sentence, Lee clicked the trigger of the flamethrower, and ignited a flame that set Nick completely on fire.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Nick screamed, while the others watched as Lee continued to scorch the man alive.

Some watched in shock, some in terror, and some just straight up looked away. But a vast majority of the people there watched in satisfaction as his skin slowly burned. His flesh peeled off his body, blood splattered on the floor, Hell, there was even some bone-

"Oh, for Chrissake! STOP DESCRIBING THIS DISGUSTING SHIT TO US! IT'S MAKING ALL OF US SICK! I mean, Jesus! There could be children reading this!" Beca yelled, as the others nodded in agreement.

Then, Lee pulled a gigantic clock from… well, out of nowhere (let's assume his ass), and he stood in front of Nick's rotting, screeching near corpse of a body, and as he shook the clock up and down, he yelled, in a voice so deep and growly the narrator is amazed he didn't have throat cancer, "IT'S TIME TO STOP! IT'S TIME TO STOP, OKAY?! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PARENTS?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?! GO HOME! DON'T READ THIS SHIT! GO TO SCHOOL! JESUS H. CHRIST, IT IS TIME TO STOP!"

 **Hey Bill, is it true that you can see everything? And if so, how many times have you watched people in the shower?**

"I cannot see everything, unfortunately. And the only person I ever watched in the shower was you, bay-bay." Bill seductively replied, before licking his chops. "Mmm… delicious…" Bill muttered.

"You're a pervert, Bill. Quit being creepy." Lee responded in disgust. "Zip it, Christian Baleman."

 **Lee and Goblin) How does it feel getting run over by a train?**

"It was like having your entire body destroyed in a matter of seconds. What the fuck do you think it'd be like?" Lee mockingly responded.

Sensing that his best friend was growing angier, Goblin put a hand on Lee's shoulder. "Calm down, Lee. The guest is just asking a-", But Lee not so gently brushed Goblin's hand off his shoulder, and pulled a megaphone from out of nowhere.

"ATTENTION, MORONS! THIS LUNATIC RIGHT HERE IS HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT IF YOU USE THE EXCUSE THAT A REVIEWER IS JUST ASKING A QUESTION WHEN THEY ASK SOMETHING THAT'S STUPID AND HAS AN OBVIOUS ANSWER, I WILL GO INTO A BLIND FIT OF RAGE AND FUCK EVERYBODY IN SIGHT UP." And with that, he put the megaphone down, but not before laying a kick to Nick's burned crotch.

"FUCK!" Nick yelled, clutching his genitals as he layed practically glued to the ground.

 **Caesar) What is your happiest memory?**

"Dying."

 **Clementine and Lee) Do you think you would be able to survive the home alone traps?**

"I'll do you one better: do you honestly think any of us, save for maybe the people here with powers and other abilities, could?" Clementine condescendingly asked in response.

"I'll do you one better: do you ever stop to wonder what it's like to have a life? Or at the very least, what it's like for other people who, y'know, don't ask stupid questions?" Lee smugly added on, earning him a look of disgust from the interviewer.

 _I don't know what the Hell has gotten into you, Lee. You're ruder, you're meaner, you're nastier than you were before! I LOVE IT! Keep it up, man!_

 **What do you all think of Jigsaw? I think he's pretty admirable, in my opinion.**

"Isn't that the guy who murdered people by forcing them to play sick games in that one movie franchise I don't know the name of?" Larry asked.

"Yeah, you're on the right track." Molly replied. "I am part of a cult dedicated to worshipping Jigsaw. Jigsaw is my God." A severely burned Nick said through the hole in the face of his full-body cast.

 **EVERYONE RUN THE RAPTORS ARE COMING THE RAPTORS ARE COMING!**

"No, they're not! Dinosaurs are extinct, you fucking idiot! Go back to the mental hospital, jeez." Lee groaned before going back to noisily eating his grilled cheese sandwich.

 **Lee: Okay, since someone *cough* Nick *cough* burned down the Interviews building, I think now would be a good time for us all to go on a road trip to the vacation home in Alaska I won.**

 **Goblin: Works for me I can finally go ice fishing.**

 **Kenny: Lee, we're not going to Alaska just because you have a vacation home!**

 **Lee: It comes with a hot tub. And a spa.**

 **Clementine: Well, I'm sold.**

 ***Gets a suitcase.***

 **Kenny: Uggghh, fine.**

"But, wait! There's not enough room for all of us!" Rick protested, gesturing to his people. "Or us!" LP continued for him, and pointing to his crew.

 _They have a point. We have too many characters! We nearly broke the entire apartment building with all these guys! You think we're gonna be able to fit them all into the jet? Or the car? Or any form of transportation? I don't think so._

"Then there's only one option left." Lee muttered, before looking out at everyone. "Anyone who wasn't here before 001's birthday party last year, please raise your hand!"

Everybody who wasn't there before raised their hands. "All of you people, you need to get out. Now." Lee demanded. "Well, what if we say no?" Beca responded. "Yeah, fuckface! What if I don't wanna take orders from your raspy-ass?" Negan yelled, as Lee pulled out a little gray box with a big red button on it.

"Because I just so happen to have a detonator in my hand. That will set off a bomb blowing up countless streets in downtown Minneapolis, including this one, not only meaning that you caused the deaths of yourselves, but of other lives as well. So, do as I told you to, and GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LINE OF SIGHT!"

 _WAIT! Don't go! I'll… I'll… I'll pay for your hotel bills! Grrr… another day, another part of my fortune lost. Thanks, Lee._

Within thirty seconds, the people who weren't there before ran aimlessly. They crashed and bumped into one another, but eventually, not one of them was in Lee's line of sight.

Then, he started laughing. "It's not even a real detonator. Anyhow, that was fun. Who's up for some Korean food before we leave?"

 **(A rabid monkey latches onto Lee's face)**

 **(A face hugger latches onto Kenny's beard)**

"GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!" Kenny screeched. Lee, on the other hand, pulled out two pieces of cotton from his right pants pocket. He plugged one into one ear, and the other into his other ear.

Then, being the humble man that he was, Lee took a gun out from in the back of his pants and shot the monkey seven times.

"I can't stand those little bastards."

 **Lee, play us a song on your banjo!**

LEE: IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR COTTON EYED JOE, I'D HAVE BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME AGO! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, WHERE DID YOU GO?! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, COTTON EYE JOE?!

 **Clementine: Hey, everyone! I found a pot of gold!**

 ***Everyone runs over.***

 **Luke: Gimme da money!**

 ***Clementine shoots him in the foot.***

 **Luke: Ow!**

 ***He falls over.***

 **Clementine: Back off! This is mine!**

 ***Suddenly the leprechaun from Leprechaun kicks the door open.***

 **Leprechaun: WHO TOOK ME POT OF GOLD!?**

 **Javier: She did it!**

 ***Everyone points at Clem.***

Firmly grasping the pot in her hands, Clemtine screeched, "MY PRECIOUS! MY PRECIOUS!" Then, the little leprechaun attacked her feet, but because he was so small, he didn't prove to be a threat to Clementine at all. So, she kicked him out the window like a soccer ball.

 ***Clementine walks into the cabin common room dressed in a bunny suit.***

 **Clementine: Not. One. Word.**

And what followed was an entire day of total silence until Clementine finally changed out of her clothing. When she got into some normal clothes, Larry breathed heavily, and sighed with relief. "THANK GOD! I thought I was gonna pass out if I was completely silent for another minute!"

 **Me: *Walks in carrying a bag* Hehehe...**

 **Lee: The hell is she doing?**

 ***Looks at her suspiciously.***

 **Me: *Smashes love potion bottles at Luke, Nick and Javi's face* LOVE POTIONING IS BACK! :D**

 **Clem: NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN! *The sudden lovesick men looks at her***

 **Me: RUN LITTLE SHIT! XD *Runs away while laughing.***

As the sick bastards ran after Clementine, Lee grabbed his shotgun as he talked on the phone, cocked it, and prepared to shoot the both of them with it.

"HEY, HEY! GET AWAY FROM HER!" He yelled, firing one round at Javier's leg. "AH, FUCK!" He howled, as he grasped his bleeding leg in pain. "OUTTA MY WAY! OUTTA MY WAY!" Luke screamed as he pushed through all the folks in the house.

Meanwhile, Lee reloaded the shotgun by flip-cocking it, and then returned to his phone call. "Anyways Frank, how ya doin'?"

 **Hey Glenn, are you related to Jackie Chan?**

"Sorry, Glenn's not here right now. He might be dead, depending on your version of the character. So please, fuck off, and never mention his name again." Lee remarked in a voice all too similar to that of an answering machine's.

 ***The guest snaps her fingers and a dragon tail shoots out of Clem's pants and near her butt.***

 **Clem: What the heck?!**

 **The Guest: You chose dragon, so here ya go.**

 **Clementine: Fuuuu-**

 ***Breathes fire and lights Carlos on fire.***

Carlos ran around the room, horrified as his insides and outer layers began to slowly peel off. "I'm melting! I'M MELTING!" He screamed. Meanwhile, Clementine reached for an axe to try and chop her tail off, but Kenny and Larry restrained her.

And the funniest part of this? Lee was just about to walk back into the common room with five boxes of pizzas from Dominos, but when he looked and saw the complete Hellhole that had become the room, he walked out immediately.

 **I just found out that there are Robot Chicken Walking Dead skits! Also Negan, give back Snoopy's scarf or face my wrath!**

 _I heard about that. They sound kinda funny, but I don't watch Robot Chicken much anymore. Also, Negan is no longer here, neither are any of the other casts from my other Fanfics. The only non Telltale TWD characters here are me, Goblin, Bill, and Vader."_

 **Lee, kiss this frog lets see if it turns you into a prince! (Trips And shoves the frog down Lee's throat) oops. Looks like you got a frog in your throat.**

 **Lee: (choking and making hand signals)**

 **Lilly: Holy fuck! Lee's choking!**

 **And my work here is done. (I leave as everyone runs over to Lee.)**

You know that scene from Pitch Perfect where Aubrey pukes up a storm? Yeah, imagine that, except worse. Wayyy worse. I'm talking cascades of puke here, folks. Lee barfed so much, he wasn't sure if he would even find the frog in the scuffle, considering how much green there was. He might have even barfed up a lung had Lily not calmed him down.

Then, the tall man slowly got up, brushed some puke off of his shoulders, and grabbed his shotgun. "I'll be back in five minutes."

Five minutes later, and the Guest's left hand was in a pickle jar in the fridge. "I shoulda done that, ages ago." Lee said to himself before taking a long swig of beer, all while the gang watched in disgust and horror at what Lee had just done.

 **TAANKS! *Points where L4D creatures comes roaring and charges towards them.***

 **WITCH! *Whacks a witch, purposely startling her, and runs away as the witch screeches and sprints towards**

 **JOCKEY! *A jockey comes up to Lee and starts 'riding' him.***

 **HUNT- *Gets knocked unconscious by Kenny.***

"I am so sick and tired of this fucking horseshit." An exhausted Kenny growled as he pulled out a Colt Python Revolver from his back pocket. "Wait!" Lee exclaimed, before snatching the Revolver, loading seven bullets into it, and shooting the Guest in the back seven times.

"This is the same person who's put me through Hell for the past year. Now, it's my time to get some fucking payback. NO MORE MR. KINDA NICE GUY."

 _A/N: So... where have I been? I've been meaning to update several of my stories for months, but... I guess I went through a case of burnout, a little bit. I thought maybe I'd quit writing Fanfiction altogether, since I didn't have as much time as I once did. Then, this morning, I realized something. This was the one year anniversary of the day I got my Fanfiction account. It's been a while, hasn't it? I feel like I've accomplished so much, and done so little at the same time. I know one thing is for certain, though: I never would have gotten to where I am, or kept writing and pushing through tough times, if not for you guys. I wanna thank you all for coming back to read my crazy stories, and I hope you'll stick with me for as long as I'm around. As for the long wait, I apologize. School got in the way again, and a combination of not knowing what direction I wanted to take this Fic in. Now, I know exactly how I wanna play this. And I hope you're along for the bumpiest of rides! Thank you all for reading this past year, if you have any more comments, questions, or other crazy scenarios in your mind that you wanna see done in this story, post them in the review section, and, as always, take care! Until next time, I'm the Flying Hawaiian 001, signing off!_


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